Разделённые бременем часовых поясов (Razdelyonnyye bremenem chasovykh poyasov) (영어 번역)

Разделённые бременем часовых поясов

Разделённые бременем часовых поясов
Мы плутаем меж тысячи нам чужих голосов.
У ретивого времени не сбавляется бег,
И привстав в звонком стремени мы летим через век.
 
Но в безумной погоне той нас окликнут друзья
И на миг остановится круговерть бытия,
Песни, трели и сказки тронут тонкий эфир
И вернутся вдруг краски в этот суетный мир.
 
투고자: LizzzardLizzzard, 水, 23/09/2020 - 18:05
투고자 코멘트:

для моего друга, Пьера)

영어 번역영어 (시적, 운율)
문단 정렬

By the encumbrance of time zones separated

Versions: #1#2
By the encumbrance of time zones separated,
We drift midst thousands of voices unrelated.
The zealous time doesn’t slow down its race,
And half-risen in tinkling stirrups, we fly through eon’s maze.
 
Maybe in that wild chase, our friends will call to us,
And for an instant, the whirlwind of being will thus
stop — and songs, trills, fairytales will disperse into the aether.
And suddenly, this earthly place would anew regain its colors measure.
 
고마워요!
감사 8회 받음
This is a poetic translation - deviations from the meaning of the original are present (extra words, extra or omitted information, substituted concepts).

Feedback is appreciated. If you like or dislike something, leave a note...
The objective is to further human understanding so my feeble attempts are not copyrighted.

투고자: BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever, 木, 06/05/2021 - 23:01
최종 수정: BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever, 水, 12/05/2021 - 16:22
코멘트
LizzzardLizzzard    土, 08/05/2021 - 16:53

Ох, Ди! спасибо огроменное!)
Мне особенно нравится эта поэтическая находка с "we fly through eons maze"
Звучит прямо захватывающе!))
♥♥♥♥♥

dmdavdmdav    月, 10/05/2021 - 10:12

Может быть следует пометить этот перевод как "poetic" и "rhyming"?

BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    水, 12/05/2021 - 12:51

Dmitri, you didn’t like my version? I made this translation because Liz mentioned our friend who left LT months ago.
I was hoping he will hear, read, ponder on the call of his friends...and return.
My rhymes and poetic attempts aren’t great, but the sentiment is sincere. ☺️

dmdavdmdav    水, 12/05/2021 - 15:04

What makes you think that? I definitely like your version!
Maybe I misunderstood something... I'm relatively new to this site.
But your version is obviously rhyming. And since you have substituted some concepts from the original, I thought that it fits the LT-definition of "poetic". So, I just suggested that appropriate tags are used. That's all, no offence intended 😄

BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    水, 12/05/2021 - 16:22

Oh, I’m not offended! I just feel inadequate with the rhymes I make. Lol.
Thanks!

Green_SattvaGreen_Sattva    水, 12/05/2021 - 18:40
BlackSea4ever schrieb:

I was hoping he will hear, read, ponder on the call of his friends...and return.

So do I. I miss him Sad smile

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