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Земля (Engels vertaling)

  • Artiest: Arseny Tarkovsky (Арсе́ний Алекса́ндрович Тарко́вский)
  • Nummer: Земля 2 vertalingen
  • Vertalingen: Engels, Frans

Земля

За то, что на свете я жил неумело,
За то, что не кривдой служил я тебе,
За то, что имел небессмертное тело,
Я дивной твоей сопричастен судьбе.
 
К тебе, истомившись, потянутся руки
С такой наболевшей любовью обнять,
Я снова пойду за Великие Луки,
Чтоб снова мне крестные муки принять.
 
И грязь на дорогах твоих несладима,
И тощая глина твоя солона.
Слезами солдатскими будешь xранима
И вдовьей смертельною скорбью сильна.
 
--
Арсений Тарковский. Стихи разных лет.
Москва, "Современник" 1983.
 
Toegevoed door BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever op Vrij, 06/09/2019 - 23:09
Engels vertalingEngels
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Earth

Because my life in this world I indeed bungled,
Because it wasn't from the guilt that you I served,
Because my earthen body was not immortal,
In your wondrous fate I got to be involved.
 
Languished, it will be to you that my arms reach out
For the embrace full of the onerous love.
I will head once again for Velikie Luki, 1
To once more accept of the suffering cross.
 
And the dirt on your roads doesn't get any better,
And the thin clay of yours is still salty to taste,
With the tears of the soldiers - in safekeeping kept,
And with the widows fatal grief - full of strength.
 
Feedback is appreciated. If you like or dislike something, leave a note...
The objective is to further human understanding so my feeble attempts are not copyrighted.
Toegevoed door BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever op Zat, 07/09/2019 - 00:51
Meer vertalingen van Земля
Reacties
BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    Zat, 07/09/2019 - 01:01

[@dandelion] Лена, полностью на твоё усмотрение: whether to remove or leave

SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat    Zat, 07/09/2019 - 02:44

D, if you don't mind, hear (or hear not) my impressions:
The first line is a bit cumbersome to my hears, but the 2nd one is OK. maybe to change word order to "i indeed bugled"? I understand that both are OK.
In the 8th line, i don't get this preposition "of". Do we need it?
Also I have a question what is exactly "несладима"? Old Slavic?
In the last verse, is it clear who's "kept"? there is "yours", but... I could feel such nuances in Russian, but not sure in English.
Please understand, that all above mentioned is just a discussion, not an indication of any errors, etc. Regular smile
And maybe fn about Luki.

BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    Zat, 07/09/2019 - 03:50

I'm glad to look at any of your suggestions.
- v1L1 fixed word order
- v2L4 I left "of", but I agree that it's not required
- Несладима... I thought it means unruly.
- I thought everyone knew whose roads aren't getting better...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NoNrPUg8e-0
- added footnote although Russian one was far better one
And finally, don't worry that I can misunderstand good suggestions - in the worst case, plum jam will work.

SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat    Zat, 07/09/2019 - 03:54

I suspect "несладима" is a special type of a wild plum jam, which is low on sugar. JK.
Let's ask @Pinhas Zelenogorsky - he should know (or at least pretend to know) what Несладима is.

Pinhas ZelenogorskyPinhas Zelenogorsky    Zat, 07/09/2019 - 04:03

Я думаю, все правильно: с ней (грязью) не сладить.

BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    Zat, 07/09/2019 - 04:09

Cheater, you deleted your comment
WRITTEN BY: The Editors of Encyclopaedia Britannica
Velikiye Luki, also spelled Velikie Luki, or Velikije Luki, city, Pskov oblast (region), western Russia, situated on the Lovat River. Founded by 1166, the city was sacked by Lithuanians in 1198, by King Stephen Báthory of Poland in 1581, and by the Swedes in 1611. Today an important railway junction, it has industries that include locomotive and rolling-stock repair, engineering, and consumer-goods production. Pop. (2006 est.) 102,357.

Although, if you think, it is не очень сладко to drive on these roads... Lol.

SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat    Zat, 07/09/2019 - 04:31

So we have a very interesting wordplay there:
the mud is too difficult to deal with and this clay is too saline, but in Russian it sounds: mud is not sweet, and clay is too salty!

Pinhas ZelenogorskyPinhas Zelenogorsky    Zat, 07/09/2019 - 04:12

А нет ли специального термина для "крестных мук"? Типа crucifixion?

BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    Zat, 07/09/2019 - 04:24

Poet was very religious. If I didn't read about this, I'd assume crossroads associated with the town.
But, I'm pretty sure he meant suffering of Christ. I don't know another word. Maybe Nadia or Brat can let us know.

vevvevvevvev    Zat, 07/09/2019 - 04:57

passion - the suffering and death of Jesus - это определение GT.

passion - ...4. рел. страсти господни, крестные муки; - Школьный англо-русский, русско-английский словарь

BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    Zat, 07/09/2019 - 05:00

But passion is ill suited here, no?

vevvevvevvev    Zat, 07/09/2019 - 05:11

Я не мастер в английском, Диана. Я просто написал, то, что нашел в сети. Для справки, не более.

BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    Zat, 07/09/2019 - 05:15

I wasn't arguing but asking. I'm not religious so in these matters I have a measure of uncertainty. Thanks for the references.

Pinhas ZelenogorskyPinhas Zelenogorsky    Zat, 07/09/2019 - 04:28

>But, I'm pretty sure he meant suffering of Christ.
Несомненно.

BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    Zat, 07/09/2019 - 05:31

Stop deleting your comments - you are giving me seizures. I'm doubting my sanity.
I think that all choices are ok: suffering, passion, and agony. I will think it over.

dandeliondandelion    Zat, 07/09/2019 - 06:13

Диана, я больше всего потрясена тем, как это вы с 42 практически синхронно взялись переводить Тарковского. Как будто что-то в воздухе витало. Или это какая-то невероятная эмпатия.

BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    Zat, 07/09/2019 - 08:00

Мы с 42 поем под одну дудку... Lol. Yours.

JadisJadis    Zat, 07/09/2019 - 08:22

Ha ha, I was just about to protest about the two last verses, but you didn't leave me time to... It sounds already better (I understand : the tears of the soldiers will keep you safe, and you'll be strong through the widows' grief ?)
 
But what amazed me was the rhythm you put in such verses :
"And the dirt on your roads doesn't get any better,
And the thin clay of yours is still salty to taste"...
Oh no, what was that ? the 2nd one sounded better before, this "is still salty" is very difficult to pronounce...)
 
Anyway, it's not a too easy text... I have to examine it more thoroughfully.

BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    Zat, 07/09/2019 - 11:55

Jadis,
Yes, you understood last two lines.
Rhythm.
a) I read the lines aloud and don't have a problem, but I have a problem when it's taken out
b) when you say amazed - in a good or bad way?
c) I might, on occasion, count syllables, but I'm sorry, I never do what you did highlighting. I admitted multiple times - not a poet.

JadisJadis    Zat, 07/09/2019 - 12:24

b) In a good way of course, but
a) yours is still salty (to taste) : lots of s/z sounds, I tried several times, but unsuccessfully, I feel like a bee stuck in jam. Nevertheless, I think it could be a good exercise for young actors...
c) What's that ? you'll be a great poet, whether you want it or not! Regular smile And a great poet doesn't have to count syllables, he/she just feels the rhythm.

LizzzardLizzzard    Zat, 07/09/2019 - 15:42

Wow) Velikiye Luki is just 3h (by car) from my place)
Oh D, you became closer to me in one moment ♥
Thanks for your choice of poem, i like it so much)

p.s. it's funny, but i have no problems with s/z XD maybe it's because of my russian accent ))

LizzzardLizzzard    Zat, 07/09/2019 - 16:29

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOShg5xpBQg
we have our "sausage" twister too. it's:
Шла Саша по шоссе и сосала сушку
childhood training for s/sh XD

I don't understand half of modern emoji, so I just stay with russian eyeless smile ))))