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LT → Frans → Marceline Desbordes-Valmore → Les roses de Saadi → Engels
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Les roses de Saadi

J’ai voulu ce matin te rapporter des roses,
Mais j’en avais tant pris dans mes ceintures closes
Que les nœuds trop serrés n’ont pu les contenir.
 
Les nœuds ont éclaté. Les roses envolées
Dans le vent, à la mer, s'en sont toutes allées.
Elles ont suivi l’eau pour ne plus revenir.
 
La vague en a paru rouge et comme enflammée.
Ce soir, ma robe encore en est toute embaumée...
Respires-en sur moi, l’odorant souvenir.
 
Vertaling

Saadi's Flowers

I wanted to bring you roses this morning,
But I had already taken so many of them into my closed belts
So many that the tight knots couldn't contain them.
 
The knots broke. The roses flew
In the wind, to the sea, they all went
They followed the water, never to return.
 
They turned the waves red, as if they were ablaze.
Tonight, my dress still carries the scent of it....
Breathe it in from me, the fragrant memory
 
De auteur van de vertaling heeft om een proeflezing gevraagd.
Dit betekent dat hij/zij graag correcties, suggesties etc over de vertaling ontvangt.
Als je de beide hier gebruikte talen beheerst, ben je van harte welkom om hieronder in een reactie commentaar te geven.
Marceline Desbordes-Valmore: Top 3
1.Les séparés
2.Les roses de Saadi
3.Je ne sais plus, je ne veux plus
Gegeven reacties
soleilfletrisoleilfletri    Woe, 26/10/2016 - 15:42
Vote has been deleted.

Not sure, but I think the "en" word should be mentioned somehow in English too. Like in the first verse "but I had taken so much OF THEM.." and in the last verse "breathe IT on me.."

GavinGavin
   Woe, 26/10/2016 - 16:04

better...

But I would say "Breathe it in from me, the fragrant memory"
(or inhale it from me)

"off me" although pretty common isn't very elegant.

:-)

GavinGavin
   Woe, 26/10/2016 - 18:17

Ah yes... maybe change the first one to "tonight my dress still carries their scent".
Or use "scented", or even "sweetly scented" in the second instance. That could work. :-)

La Fille avec le VisageLa Fille avec le Visage
   Woe, 26/10/2016 - 23:21

Merci beaucoup pour leurs suggestions :) They really help me in understanding the song better! I will add your suggestions into the translation in a minute.

Dominic Jake King LimDominic Jake King Lim    Do, 18/10/2018 - 03:45

Hello,

Rapporter should be "bring" not "give". As a native English speaker, it is much more sentimental if you say "bring" too because it invokes more effort on the writers end, like she loved her lover so much that she took extra effort to gather the roses.

Snail EratoSnail Erato    Vrij, 06/11/2020 - 09:04

The most blatant mistake is in the original French version.
The poem is made of three stanzas of three alexandrines (lines of twelves syllables) each.
The natural scansion is to speak each line in two group of six syllables with a tiny pause between, and making a slightly bigger pause between each stanza.
Now, if you count the syllables (pieds in French) of each line in your version, you will see immediately the problem:
The fifth one has only ten syllables ... which definitely hurts ones ears when you try to speak it, or even read it !!!
The correct fifth line is:
"Dans le vent, à la mer, s'en sont toutes allées."

silencedsilenced    Vrij, 06/11/2020 - 09:23

Good catch. The line has been corrected.

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