Maria Chatziilia - I'm sorry, I didn't love you
I'm sorry, I didn't love you
Walking into the room, her smile caught my attention
because it was the brightest of them all.
She's staring at the ceiling as if it's the most
interesting thing in that empty-looking room.
Her eyes are searching for the slightest detail,
examining and observing every single person.
I finally find the strength to take my eyes off of her
and look away. I hope she didn't catch me staring.
That would be so embarrassing.
Why does she have to be so imperfectly perfect?
I don't even like that type of girls
but there's something about her that I can't ignore.
I tried and tried and tried and I finally heard her say:
''You must be really bored to stare at me for so long''
Those unimportant and meaningless words
gave me the chance to hear her soft and calming voice.
''I'm sorry if I seem annoying, I didn't mean to be rude''
But I know I wasn't rude, I was just admiring her beauty.
Seven months later and she's moved in with me,
in this average cold apartment I own,
with my aggressive dog and my stubborn cat.
She still can't understand how those two are best friends.
I swear she's spent those 7 months trying to solve the mystery.
Every night that she lies with me in my queen size bed,
I can't help but look into her deep blue eyes.
I close mine and travel back in time, to that day
when I first laid my eyes on her angelic face-
and I dream of us, I see her being in my future.
Perhaps, I'll ask her to marry me tomorrow
or be the mother of my wonderful children,
if only she says yes to the love of her life.
She hugs me from behind as if she's scared I'm gonna leave,
she touches my face as if I'm something precious.
She cries like a little baby every time we fight,
giving me the impression she's always afraid of losing me.
She's clumsy and every time she breaks something,
the sad look on her face almost breaks my heart.
She tells me about how she wasn't treated right
and I can only promise her it won't happen again.
She baked me cookies when we came home from the park,
then she massaged my back and kissed me goodnight.
I don't want her to know that something in me has changed,
It would break her little heart and cause her so much pain.
So I lied and said I love her more and more each day.
But I know, I don't feel the same way anymore.
No, she doesn't deserve this but-
This morning, she asked me what is wrong.
I swear she knows me better than I know myself.
At first, I hesitated a lot but she kept asking the same thing
over and over again until I finally gave in.
There is no easier way to explain dishonesty and cheating
to the girl who'd take a bullet for you without second thinking.
So I go ahead and tell her that she is not as important anymore.
She's not my whole world as she once used to be,
because someone else has been filling the space.
I swear I didn't mean to sound that cruel and heartless,
I never meant to make her cry, I didn't want her to leave.
But she packed her things, didn't say anything, she just left.
And now the apartment has never been so cold.
The living room is so empty because she's not laughing anymore.
The bedroom used to be my favorite room of them all,
now it's just another empty room in an empty house.
I don't regret telling her, I think I made the right decision
but I honestly didn't want her to find out the hard way.
I wouldn't sugar coat it, I loved another woman
and couldn't wait to be in her arms for many nights to come.
She just didn't have to face all this and fall apart,
she's so vulnerable and fragile, emotionally unstable.
I'm happy with my new woman, soon to be wife,
she's everything I was looking for, she makes me smile
I get lost in her deep blue eyes and I daydream every day.
We want three children and we already have two dogs.
Sometimes, when I look back to my old self,
I wonder if Anna is okay if she's found someone else.
It shouldn't bother me, I've moved on and she probably has, too.
''Honey, will you answer the phone for me, I'm in the shower''
My sweetheart said, so I picked up the phone instead.
The man knew my full name and address but I didn't know him.
''Your name was mentioned in the suicide note Anna Miller left.
Her neighbor walked into her apartment and found her hanging.
''I'm sorry I wasted 4 years of your life. I just loved you to death.''
''That's all she wrote, I'm deeply sorry for your loss, sir.''
And there I was standing, not knowing what to say or how to feel.
''You must have mistaken me for someone else,
I have never met or talked to anyone with that name,
It's not me you're looking for, I can't help you.''
I hung up on him before my baby got out of the shower.
I didn't want her to ask me questions and give me weird looks.