Ballad Of A Woman
| bedankt! ❤ |  |  |
| 4 maal bedankt | ||
Andrew Parfen op 2018-10-31Andrew Parfen op 2018-11-02| 1. | Если в сердце живёт любовь (Esli v serdtse zhivyot lyubov') |
| 2. | Прекрасное далёко (Prekrasnoe dalyoko) |
| 3. | От его голоса (Ot yego golosa) |
| 1. | повернуть вспять |
IdiotKilljoyWithoutPride
Andrew Parfen
Do, 01/11/2018 - 04:41
Thank you! You're welcome! :) It's a shame that song can't be found on Youtube, I had to download Mp3 to listen to it. I wish other LT users could have a possibility to listen to it too.
Andrew Parfen
Do, 01/11/2018 - 04:36
ingirumimusnocte, thank you! I changed the line. I knew there would be questions, since I feel uncomfortable almost with every line myself. I got little experience in translating to english, so your corrections are very useful for me and welcomed. My best difficulties in english are articles (since we don't have them in russian) and tenses. What do you think, "Promise - we meet again" is it clear that it is about the future tense and is it correct? Or "Promise - we'll meet again" would be better?
Andrew Parfen
Do, 01/11/2018 - 05:29
You're right, that's much better!
Andrew Parfen
Do, 01/11/2018 - 05:34
What about "A lyrical song" in the title. I found in my dictionary that it is incorrect to translate "Романс" as "A Romance". I searched through LT and found that everybody is translating it as "A Romance", is it correct?
Andrew Parfen
Do, 01/11/2018 - 05:57
Would "ballad" be fine here then? "A ballad to a woman" or "A ballad about a woman"?
Andrew Parfen
Do, 01/11/2018 - 06:23
Thank you very much, ingirumimusnocte! I could hardly express in words how I appreciate your help! :)
Andrew Parfen
Do, 01/11/2018 - 06:34
Thank you! :)
Gavin
Vrij, 02/11/2018 - 10:36
It's really looking very good already (nice work!) so these are really just little polishes:
First verse - waiting/awaiting can be tricky - this time I would phrase it more like:
...
Would spend the whole evening waiting
As I too am waiting for you
Second verse - In case you/we could. It's ok but if think it's more natural to just say:
If you could/If we could
And *we'll* stay together... (you've already gone to the future tense in the previous line and it sounds better to stick with it)
And where you have "we'd meet again" I'd make that "we'll" as well.
I know that you're talking about a possible future but because of the promise future tense sense better...
If I do this, promise me I *will* be rewarded - you see what I mean?
Apart from that (and the same thing when those phrases repeat) I can't see too much too improve.
:)
Andrew Parfen
Vrij, 02/11/2018 - 03:14
Gavin, thank you a lot for your remarks, they were very useful! All the changes are done except the one: "So am I, I'm waiting for you", which I just somehow can't let go. :) After you've pointed the trouble lines out, they got for me so clear and obvious, especially this one: "In case you could". It sounded like some programmer thing. :D Gavin, thank you for your time!
I'm really grateful to ingirumimusnocte and Gavin, thank you for your time guys!