TWO MISTAKES IN MY COMMENTS:

"But I just indulge in A draft beer." NOT "But I just indulge A in a draft beer".
And, "TRAGIC" not "TRADGIC". Although it should be written that way. LOL. But, English is fucked up with its spelling.

Thank you. As for your song, it still needs some fixing.
(And, unfortunately, it does NOT rhyme. But for the most part, it is understandable, except for the following parts).

Our feet are JUST LIKE sticks.
When we look at you, you LOOK like
YOU ATE SOMETHING RAW

OUR bones are REINFORCED STEEL.
OUR FLESH (or MUSCLE) is made from CINDER blocks.
() Enough to save US from bullets,
Piercing top down, OR bottom up.

Fingers, they resemble corks from
Never opened WINE bottles.

Thoughts KILL US like gangrene,
AND hinder us from living ON.
Feelings like the heavy (???billet???), {I don't know what a "billet" is, and I'm fluent in American English. Maybe it's a British word. But, I've never heard it. To me, it sounds like a part of a chicken.}
(???Neither raise them nor release.???) {This makes NO sense.}

To such distant lands (???unfortunate1,???) > Try, "To such unfortunate lands." OR "To such lands, it's unfortunate."
Where we'll be picking up (???cones???), > I tried to explain this. But, you really DO have to say "pinecones". If not, you're talking about those orange rubber traffic cones uses to divert traffic.

Sorry Pinahs, a few problems:

In English we use redundant ME MY / HE HIS, etc. But, Russian doesn't. If it's understood whose it is, Russians leave it out. But, in English, even though we know whose it is, we still say it. It's part of our language. So all these times that I put "OUR" in there is NECESSARY in English!!! Without it, it sounds very strange to us. Sorry.

As for VINO. In English it's "wine". If you use the word "VINO", which we do sometimes, it's rather weird. It's normally said sarcastically, as if you're trying to pretend to be French, or very sophisticated, when you're not. "I would like a glass of your finest 'vino', under $3."
And you're wrong about the stress. In English "WINE" is УАЙН And "VINO" is ВИ-но. The stress is on the ВИ, not the НО.

As for steel reinforced legs. I'm sorry again, but if this is a common expression in Russian, it is NOT in English. The BEST we can say in English is something like "OUR LEGS ARE LIKE REINFORCED STEEL." That's really the only way you can say it. Otherwise, you're trying to make English equal Russian, and it DOES NOT!!!

Please understand that I'm not trying to insult you in any way, but the truth is that Russian is SOOOOO different than English. I cannot understand many common things in Russian, just because in English they make NO SENSE. The same is true when you translate. I know you are trying to keep the Russian "Steel reinforced legs", but we just don't say that!
If you mean that a person is crippled, and uses some form of steel support braces around his legs, that is what an English listener maybe hears when you say, "Legs are like reinforced steel." Otherwise, it makes NO SENSE. NONE.

I hope my comments are helpful. I mean to help, not insult. By the way, I also need help. I translated a Russian song, and I cannot understand one line of it. It makes absolutely NO SENSE. Of course, in Russian it does. But, in English, no matter how hard I try, I cannot understand what in the hell he's trying to say. Here's the Russian. And here's how I translated it into English.

Кто как играет, кто где летает
Кого что качает, кого что качает

Who wants to play? So that wherever you go
you make the world around you a better place for everyone there?