Hey there, I applaud your attempt, however this translation can be better. Knowing that you were going for a poetic and metered translation, here are my suggestions:

On a winter night
With a pitch black moon
You came here for me
Shining star and wind
With a deep silence
In the dark night sky
That's what you once were

Sometimes in Spanish very few words can say a lot more than it may seem. Notice how each line contains 5 syllables. Hope my suggestions help.

PS: If you have any Spanish questions, feel free to PM me.