A nice translation, but a few corrections:
S1L1 I bore my sorrow - > Here the Past Continuous, or even the PP Cont. is needed. Like "I'd been carrying my bane..."
S1L2 In icy Springtime -> on ice in springtime
S1L3 my soul was torn -> my soul lost hold (and thus fell)
S1L6 Was caught and brought to a standstill by sharp edges. -> I don't think using the passive voice is a good idea here, because the girl's Bane is spelled starting with a capital letter, as if it was a person's name, so it's supposed to act on its own. So it would be better to say that Bane grasped the sharp edges and managed to stay afloat.
S3L1 Which of them -> Whoever (that's shorter) ;)
S3L3 They only -> But they (someone of them)
What a lovely song. Sadness can be a facet of beauty. Suggestions, corrections from Russian-language experts are most welcome. The fifth verse fo the second stanza should be corrected to: "А что я не умерла"