Un petit poisson, un petit oiseau ( Tradução para Inglês)

Revisão de texto solicitada
Tradução para InglêsInglês

A little fish, a little bird

'Twas a little fish, 'twas a little bird
Who loved each other dearly
But what can one do really
When one is in a pond
'Twas a little fish, 'twas a little bird
Who loved each other dearly
But what can one do really
When one is up in the air
When one's in the air
Lost among the clouds
one'd look down to see
Ones lover swim
And one'd like to trade
Ones wings for fins
Trees for trampoline
The sky for a tub
'Twas a little fish, 'twas a little bird
Who loved each other dearly
But what can one do really
When one is up in the air
'Twas a little fish, 'twas a little bird
Who loved each other dearly
But what can one do really
When one is in a pond
When one is up in the pond
One'd like that a storm comes
Which would bring from skies
Much more then a message
And suddenly to change
During its voyage
Feathers into scales
Wings into a sweater
Seaweed into straw
'Twas a little fish, 'twas a little bird
Who loved each other dearly
But what can one do really
When one is in a pond
'Twas a little fish, 'twas a little bird
Who loved each other dearly
But what can one do really
When one is up in the air
Recebeu 1 agradecimento(s)

While reading in English or French, I find myself translating in my head in Romanian. Great exercise, I reccomend it.

Adicionado por sanducusanducu em Sexta-feira, 01/10/2021 - 16:40
Adicionado em resposta ao pedido de steph8866steph8866
Comentários do autor:

I've tried to keep the rhythm and make rhymes work as close as possible to the original only for he two, repetitive, first stanzas, the catchier and better known ones.

O autor da tradução solicitou revisão de texto.
Isso significa que ele ficaria feliz em poder receber correções e sugestões sobre a tradução.
Se você é proeficiente nas duas linguagens, você é bem vindo a deixar seus comentários.

Un petit poisson, un petit oiseau

Juliette Gréco: 3 mais populares
YmdeithyddYmdeithydd    Sábado, 23/10/2021 - 14:47

’Twas has a nice sound here, but it is short for ‘it was’, not ‘there was’. I’d be tempted by ‘just a little fish, just a little bird’. I don’t think you can abbreviate ‘one would’ to ‘one’d’ on the pattern of ‘I’d’, ‘he’d’ etc. I can't recall hearing it or seeing it. Why ‘up’ in the pond? ‘down’ would be more logical. ‘One would like that a storm comes’ isn’t idiomatic: ‘one wishes a storm would come’, and you need ‘the’ before ‘skies’. I like the rhythm and economy in general though.

sanducusanducu    Domingo, 24/10/2021 - 07:54

Thank you for your remarks. You might have guessed that I'm not an native English speaker, so I will take your word for what you have to say.
I've learned it by myself, mostly by reading and hearing it in movies and music. I've probably chosen the wrong ones :- ) , but I've made efforts.
About the " ’Twas" and the " one'd " I searched and consulted trustworthy sources ( dictionaries.cambridge.org) and found that these are - if not the most grammatically correct forms - still usable in certain circumstances. Also discussion on:

https://forum.wordreference.com/threads/he-had-would-hed-one-had-would-o... :

Why ‘up’ in the pond? -> "down", of course ; and "you need ‘the’ before ‘skies’ " -> I believe you.
One would wished that a storm comes? better? conditional, also rhythm?
Thank you for the last sentence, I look forward for your future opinions and remarks.

YmdeithyddYmdeithydd    Domingo, 24/10/2021 - 12:13

Hi sanducu. Pretty impressive under the circumstances then. I did hesitate about 'one'd' - it certainly looks odd in print, but as that source you linked to says: "And 'it’d' does exist. It lists a schwa there", I think you can hear 'one would' pronounced as 'one 'ud' (wunnud) in a similar way, and probably sometimes find it written the way you did in dialogue. 'Twas' is fine in poetry, folk songs etc, and there is a song I'd misremembered as beginning with it, but I find it is actually uncontracted, as 'It was a lover and his lass... That o'er the green cornfield did pass', and that is credited to Shakespeare, so I can't argue with that. But the idea would be that it answered the question 'who was it that/who passed?' But you could say that in this case too. I suppose the grammatical reason why 'that a storm comes' is wrong is because it is indicative, whereas the storm may only hypothetically come (like 'vienne' in French), but I think to a native speaker it's just that it's always 'I wish it/you/it would', not 'I wish it does/is/rains' etc. And after 'would' you must have infinitive 'come', not 'comes'. It's hard to think these things through sometimes as a native speaker, instead of just stating that something sounds wrong, which I know isn't always helpful!

sanducusanducu    Domingo, 24/10/2021 - 13:29

Hi, Y,
"like 'vienne' in French". In french it is the "subjonctif" mode: ...que vienne. Not hypothetically I think. Anyway, my english grammar stops short of the subjunctive mood, but still, I was under the impression that THAT + verb should be it. Well, I'll have to take your word for it, again., but look here, (and it will be stupid to argue with an educated native):

"In English, the subjunctive mood is a grammatical construction recognizable by its use of the bare form of a verb in a finite clause that describes a non-actual scenario". And then:

"The English subjunctive is realized as a finite but tenseless clause. Subjunctive clauses use a bare or plain verb form, which lacks any inflection. For instance, a subjunctive clause would use the verb form "be" rather than "am/is/are" and "arrive" rather than "arrives", regardless of the person and number of the subject."

(1) Subjunctive clauses:
a. It's crucial that he be here by noon
b. It's vital that he arrive on time

YmdeithyddYmdeithydd    Domingo, 24/10/2021 - 14:44

Hmmm, the more I think about this the more complicated it is. Agree it is not subjunctive, and the comparison with 'vienne' was misleading. As it is always formed periphrastically with 'would' or 'should', I'm not sure I have a name for this mood. It might be optative? I looked for a neat explanation on Wikipedia like yours, but failed to find one. I didn't like either of these much either, but they do recognize the situation, and both give examples:
“We can use wish + would if we are annoyed about something that is or is not happening, or about something that will or will not happen”,
“We use past tense modals would and could to talk about wishes for the future” (which puts it better in my opinion: I don't think use of the construction is linked to the speaker's emotional state, and also that use of 'can' in the Cambridge source makes it sound as if we 'can' do something else instead, but if I express a wish for future rain I don't think I can say anything other than 'I wish it would rain': *I wish it rain, *I wish it rains, *I wish it will rain, are not possible). For completeness' sake, 'I wish it to rain' is possible, but synonymous with 'I want it to rain', ie the idea of not being able to control the outcome is lost. Why it is all so different from 'I wish it was raining' and 'I wish it had rained', I have no idea.

sanducusanducu    Domingo, 24/10/2021 - 19:51

Too complicated for me, given the fact that, as I said before, my English grammar study gave me a barely necessary knowledge, enough to write a not too complicated, decent text. On the other hand I have a much better and deeper one -knowledge I mean - of the French and, of course, Romanian one - they are in many aspects similar.
" It might be optative?" optative conditional, I suppose. Does it exist in English? Because IF it does, it should / would presuppose a construction containing " IF", like the French " SI". Anyway, not in the French original text. And please, don't start me on the " SI conditionnel". :- ))
What I do propose is to enjoy the song and leave the rest to the English Academy.
And now, just a question: could I, in the future, consult with you now and then in matters regarding my translations?
Hopping not to have been too impertinent,

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