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The Night ( Tradução para Espanhol)

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Revisão de texto solicitada
Tradução para Espanhol

La Noche

¿Qué me ha invadido?
¿Qué locura se ha apoderado de mi corazon?
Huir - la única repuesta
Alejándome, para caer sobre (la noche)
La fuente de mi recuperación
Sombra dulce que se adueña de la luz
Un día más ha sido devorado
Llamándome fuera, planteando una pregunta, ¿por qué?
 
[Ante-coro:]
Para salvarme de todo lo que me han quitado
Dejo caer de nuevo mi coraza
Que me da la fuerza para afrontarlos
Sintiendo que me arrebata
Ahora, en el camino para llevárselo todo
No hay ningún otro modo mejor de saberlo
 
[Coro:]
En un mundo fuera de control
¿Vas a negar al salvador delante de tus ojos?
Fija tu mirada en la noche
Poder más allá del contenido
¿Vas a seguir siendo un esclavo para el resto de tu vida?
Entrégate a la noche
 
Este autodescubrimiento
La redención se apodera de mi mente
Una serenata de voces obsesivas
Llamándome lejos, para deleitarme con (la noche)
La fuente de mi felicidad
Doncella oscura que agarras mi mano
Apártame de la hibernación
Fuerte y sin miedo, nunca la pregunta de por qué
 
[Ante-coro]
[Coro]
 
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Adicionado por Sciera em Sábado, 13/08/2016 - 20:00
Última edição feita por Sciera em Sábado, 11/03/2017 - 17:35
Comentários do autor:

Practicing translating into Spanish again. No guarantee on anything being correct.
Suggestions are very welcome!

O autor da tradução solicitou revisão de texto.
Isso significa que ele ficaria feliz em poder receber correções e sugestões sobre a tradução.
Se você é proeficiente nas duas linguagens, você é bem vindo a deixar seus comentários.
Inglês

The Night

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Comentários
phantasmagoria    Sexta-feira, 26/08/2016 - 00:08

I understand "What has come over me?" as "What has possessed me/what has happened to me" to be > "¿Qué me ha pasado?"

¿Qué insania he asumido mi corazón? > ¿Qué locura ha apoderado mi corazón?

Another day, has been devoured > Un día más ha sido devorado.
For saving me from all they’ve taken > Por salvarme de todo lo que me han quitado

maluca    Sexta-feira, 26/08/2016 - 01:02

"¿Qué locura ha apoderado mi corazón?" Wouldn't it be "¿Qué locura se ha apoderado de mi corazón?"

phantasmagoria    Sexta-feira, 26/08/2016 - 01:30

Yup, my bad. That 'se' escaped me there Regular smile Gracias maluca~

Sciera    Sexta-feira, 26/08/2016 - 08:09

Thank you for your comments!

Quote:

I understand "What has come over me?" as "What has possessed me/what has happened to me" to be > "¿Qué me ha pasado?"

"what has happened to me" seems a bit too far away in meaning, or rather too general.
And "what has possessed me" is what I tried to express with the translation I chose.

Is there a difference between "me ha pasado" and "ha pasádome"?

Quote:

Qué insania he asumido mi corazón? > ¿Qué locura ha apoderado mi corazón?

"locura" is more along the lines of "illusion", "frenzy"? I think, too, it fits better.

The rest I have corrected.

Hampsicora    Sexta-feira, 26/08/2016 - 19:02

Hello Sciera, glad to help you.
The fact is that you can place a personal pronoun after a gerund (or infinitive, or imperative) but not after an indicative verb.
So you can say “me ha pasado”, “me ha invadido” but not “ha pasádome”, “ha invadídome”: it’s incorrect.
But you can say: “está pasádome”, “está invadiéndome” etc. and also “me está pasando”, “me está invadiendo” …
With a gerund both forms are correct.
Anyway, English gerunds can be translated in Spanish in various ways, as you will see below.

Some more suggestions:
se ha apoderado mi corazon > se ha apoderado DE mi corazón
fall upon > caer sobre
Pulling me away > Alejarme
la respuesta única > la única respuesta (some widely used adjectives go usually before the name to which they refer, just like in English)
recovery > recobre / recuperación
taking hold of the light > que se adueña de la luz /que sujeta la luz
begging a question > pidiendo una pregunta

For saving me > Para salvarme
mi coraza de nuevo > de nuevo mi coraza
Giving me the strength > Que me da la fuerza
Feeling it taking over > Sintiendo que me arrebata
on a path to take it all away > en el camino para llevárselo todo
There can be no > No hay ningún
modo mejor > mejor modo (a frequent adjective, as above)

beyond controlling > fuera de control
deny the savior > negar/rechazar AL salvador
in front of > delante de (more direct than “en frente de”)
Stare > Mira fijo /Fija tu mirada
beyond containing > más allá del contenido
Give in > Entrégate

taking hold of my mind > que me sujeta la mente
haunting > obsesivas
Calling me away > Que me llaman lejos / me solicitan/invitan a marcharme
upon > sobre
taking hold of my hand > que agarras mi mano
from hibernation > de la hibernación
unafraid > sin miedo

The song you have chosen is rather difficult to translate into Spanish. So I’ll welcome any further suggestion as, after all, I don’t claim to know Spanish more than a native speaker.

Sciera    Segunda-feira, 29/08/2016 - 20:41

Thank you for your comment as well! I've edited most of what you suggested

Quote:

The fact is that you can place a personal pronoun after a gerund (or infinitive, or imperative) but not after an indicative verb.
So you can say “me ha pasado”, “me ha invadido” but not “ha pasádome”, “ha invadídome”: it’s incorrect.

Thanks for clarifying, I never heard of that before. We only learned that pronouns can be attached to imperatives and to infinite verb forms, i.e. gerunds and infinitives, so I assumed it'd also work with participles since those are infinite forms, too.

Quote:

Pulling me away > Alejarme

Why? I'd understand if I'd have to add an está - but why a mere infinitive?

Quote:

begging a question > pidiendo una pregunta

My dictionary says "plantear una pregunta" is the proper translation of the German equivalent of this slightly idiomatic phrase, i.e. of "eine Frage aufwerfen".

Quote:

There can be no > No hay ningún

I've corrected it, but is there no translation more literal?

Quote:

Stare > Mira fijo /Fija tu mirada

I guess it then needs to be "a" instead of "en"?

Quote:

The song you have chosen is rather difficult to translate into Spanish.

That wasn't intentional - I just felt like translating this wonderful piece of music but already had done so a while ago and wanted to improve my Spanish anyway.
The main problem was the vocabulary - I had to look up nearly every word, and using a dictionary instead of experience makes one prone to mistakes. Especially since dictionaries normally don't mention which preposition is needed.

Hampsicora    Segunda-feira, 29/08/2016 - 22:58

You’re welcome. And you’re right, a dictionary can’t take the place of the spoken language. The same happens to me with the German vocabulary.

Quote:
Quote:

Pulling me away > Alejarme

Why? I'd understand if I'd have to add an está - but why a mere infinitive?

It’s my interpretation. Since you used an infinitive in the previous line, I thought another infinitive in this line is good, meaning that they are two distinct phrases (Huir [es] la única repuesta. Alejarme…). But you can also read it as a single phrase: (Huir [… ] alejándome)
I told you this song isn’t easy to translate.

Quote:
Quote:

begging a question > pidiendo una pregunta

My dictionary says "plantear una pregunta" is the proper translation of the German equivalent of this slightly idiomatic phrase, i.e. of "eine Frage aufwerfen".

Yes, “ask a question” corresponds to “plantear una pregunta”. But the verb used here is “beg” that in Spanish is “pedir” or “implorar”. I’d say it’s slightly different, as you were asking a pressing question and craving an answer.

Quote:
Quote:

There can be no > No hay ningún

I've corrected it, but is there no translation more literal?

A more literal translation would be “No puede haber ningún” but it seems to me a bit too long, as an unnecessary addition.

Quote:
Quote:

Stare > Mira fijo /Fija tu mirada

I guess it then needs to be "a" instead of "en"?

You are right Regular smile

Sciera    Terça-feira, 30/08/2016 - 19:10
Quote:

It’s my interpretation. Since you used an infinitive in the previous line, I thought another infinitive in this line is good, meaning that they are two distinct phrases (Huir [es] la única repuesta. Alejarme…). But you can also read it as a single phrase: (Huir [… ] alejándome)
I told you this song isn’t easy to translate.

That line is basically the only real ambiguous one in this song. I think it means either "it's pulling me away" or "I'm pulling myself away", so I wanted to leave that open by translating it literally. Using an infinitive however would be based on a different interpretation of the line which seems less likely to me.
So I'll leave it as it is.

Quote:

Yes, “ask a question” corresponds to “plantear una pregunta”. But the verb used here is “beg” that in Spanish is “pedir” or “implorar”. I’d say it’s slightly different, as you were asking a pressing question and craving an answer.

Nevertheless, "to beg a question" is an idiom having nothing to do with literal begging. It also doesn't sound very pressing in English, at least not by the usage of "begging". "pidiendo una pregunta" has many google-results, though, so it seems to be normal usage to say such in Spanish, too.

Quote:

A more literal translation would be “No puede haber ningún” but it seems to me a bit too long, as an unnecessary addition.

Agreed, that doesn't change the meaning much.

Quote:

You are right Regular smile

Whew, at least some parts of that language start to make sense Wink smile

Hampsicora    Terça-feira, 30/08/2016 - 19:41

I think you are right.
So, please choose the interpretation you think is better.
Actually “pedir una pregunta” sounds rather strange in Spanish, it would be more normal “pedir una respuesta”. If “beg a question” is a normal idiom in English, then “plantear una pregunta” is right.
After all you know English better than me and I know Spanish better than you. Regular smile

dinodini    Domingo, 19/02/2017 - 11:07

¿Qué me he invadído? - ¿Qué me ha invadido?

No hay ningún mejor modo de saber - No hay ningún otro modo mejor de saberlo

Fija tu mirada a la noche - Fija tu mirada en la noche

¿Vas a quedarte un esclavo para el resto de tu vida? - ¿Vas a seguir siendo un esclavo para el resto de tu vida?

Este autodescubrimiento - Este descubrimiento (la palabra "autodescubrimiento" no existe en español ni nadie lo dice)

Salvación que me sujeta la mente - La redención se apodera de mi mente

Que me invitan marcharme, para banquetear sobre (la noche) - Llamándome lejos, para deleitarme con (la noche)

Fuerte y sin miedo, nunca la pregunta por qué - Fuerte y sin miedo, nunca la pregunta de por qué

Sciera    Sábado, 11/03/2017 - 17:35

Thank you for your comment! And sorry for the late reply.

I agree with nearly all the suggestions and have updated my translation accordingly.

Only, I don't think "descubrimiento" reflects the meaning of "self discovery" very well, so I'll leave it at "autodescubrimiento" for now.