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Романс Рощина

Почему ж ты мне не встретилась,
Юная, нежная,
В те года мои далёкие,
В те года вешние?
Голова стала белою,
Что с ней я поделаю?
Почему же ты мне встретилась
Лишь сейчас?
 
Я забыл в кругу ровесников,
Сколько лет пройдено.
Ты об этом мне напомнила,
Юная, стройная.
Об одном только думаю,-
Мне жаль ту весну мою,
Что прошла, неповторимая, без тебя.
 
Как боится седина моя
Твоего локона,
Ты ещё моложе кажешься,
Если я около.
Видно, нам встреч не праздновать,
У нас судьбы разные.
Ты любовь моя последняя.
Боль моя.
 
Tradução

Roschin's love song

Young and sweet girl,
why didn't you come my way
in those distant years
of my youthful spring?
My hair has turned grey,
how could I help it?
Why have you come my way
only now?
 
Among my peers I forgot
how many years went away.
Your shapely youthfullness
reminded me of that.
My mind is filled with
regrets of my spring
that is gone and can't play out again with you.
 
My grey hair is in awe
of your locks.
You look even younger
when I'm near.
We shall not enjoy our meetings,
for we walk different paths.
You are my last love
and my anguish.
 
Por favor, ajuda a traduzir "Романс Рощина"
Comentários
IgeethecatIgeethecat    Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 13:20

My head has turned grey — maybe hair instead of head?

IgeethecatIgeethecat    Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 13:33

Now, “what use is it now?” doesn’t make a sense

Sophia_Sophia_
   Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 13:33

Что с ней я поделаю? ----> maybe something like "What can I do" or "I can't help" ?

Sophia_Sophia_
   Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 14:48

Exactly.
"с ней" - это с головой.

IgeethecatIgeethecat    Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 13:45

И украинский Рощин поёт «как я этому помогу» волосам?

Alexander LaskavtsevAlexander Laskavtsev    Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 13:48

Ну вообще я играюсь с выражением https://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/can%27t+help+it
И почему Вы цепляетесь к "волосам"? Он задаёт риторический вопрос: что он может поделать с тем, что он постарел, что большая часть его жизни прошла? "Белая голова" - это лишь образ, указывающий на почтенный возраст лирического героя.

IgeethecatIgeethecat    Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 13:52

Я то вообще-то к волосам не цеплялась, совсем наоборот

IgeethecatIgeethecat    Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 13:59

Мда, есть такая наука - логика

Alexander LaskavtsevAlexander Laskavtsev    Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 14:54

Only a native speaker can give you a precise advice. :)

Actualy "что поделать/поделаешь" is a static expression in russian. "По-" is a sign of completeness of an action. Like "what is about to be done" (but any person with a healthy mind would never translate it in english like this :) )

Alexander LaskavtsevAlexander Laskavtsev    Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 15:09

look, "говорить" = "to speak/to talk" when "поговорить" = "to MAKE a conversation/speech and to FINISH it with some result"

Alexander LaskavtsevAlexander Laskavtsev    Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 15:16

Мы поговорили = we had a little talk
Поговорим? = let's have a little talk?

Alexander LaskavtsevAlexander Laskavtsev    Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 15:31

No, that means i wrote it from my phone;)

По- points rather on "to have" than "little"

IgeethecatIgeethecat    Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 15:43

Boys, you cannot be left alone,
Ща пистолеты возьмёте :D

Sophia_Sophia_
   Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 16:11
petit élève schreef:

Serves you right for using one of these evil machines :P

Почему-то вспомнила: "будь проклят день, когда я сел за баранку этого проклятого пылесоса!"

Sophia_Sophia_
   Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 15:49

Btw, in Russian "Чайник долго закипает" and "Чайник долго не закипает" mean the same!

Sophia_Sophia_
   Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 15:50
petit élève schreef:

Поворим -> wouldn't that be "let's do a little cooking" ? ;)

I couldn't resist. *singing*: "ОтвАри потихоньку калитку" :D :D :D

IgeethecatIgeethecat    Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 15:57
petit élève schreef:

What about "how could I help it?".
"could" is a bit softer than "can", like the "по" of "поделать" I guess?

Works for me
Soft, but неизбежно :)

Sophia_Sophia_
   Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 13:39
5

Very good translation, in my opinion.

Sophia_Sophia_
   Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 13:43

Ребята, а разве это Бернес поёт??
Голос не его вроде...

Sophia_Sophia_
   Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 13:56

Please, note that the title has been changed.

IgeethecatIgeethecat    Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 16:23

Кто поменял нашу beloved «щ» на who knows what???

IgeethecatIgeethecat    Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 16:35

My mother’s maiden name starts with «Щ» - so, I can tell you- it’s “shch”

JadisJadis    Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 16:32

I guess 'Roshchin' in English... and 'Roschtschin' in German (he heee... 7 letters instead of 1 !)

IgeethecatIgeethecat    Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 16:40

Germans are famous for making long words :)

IgeethecatIgeethecat    Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 16:50

Ну да, это тоже what ever heck it means, but «щ» остаётся “shch” :) ;D

JadisJadis    Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 16:58

In French, it's "chtch". Look for instance at the different transcriptions of  Rodion Chtchedrine  on Wikipedia (French, English, German, Nederlands...)

mk87mk87    Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 17:12

Actually, it's not pork. It's beef. There was never a Schweinefleischetikettierungsüberwachungsaufgabenübertragungsgesetz because the word would be too long to handle.

IgeethecatIgeethecat    Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 17:38

Oh, beef is much shorter, indeed; :;)

IgeethecatIgeethecat    Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 14:11

Pierre, call Gavin, this Russian-Ukrainian-American is a БС
I think you got the meaning, just need a little “Polish “ :)

Sophia_Sophia_
   Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 14:13

[@Gavin], could you, please, help us? :)

GavinGavin
   Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 18:07

Hello - I've just cut to the chase and read the finished product. I can't really see much to complain about...any lines in particular that worry you? :)

Sophia_Sophia_
   Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 18:16

I just noticed that "неповторимая" is missing in your translation.

Sophia_Sophia_
   Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 18:21

Ah, OK than.
I wonder is there any specific word in English.

BratBrat    Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 18:31

Irretrievable :)

GavinGavin
   Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 18:31

Oh yes, unrepeatable would be right if that the meaning needed. :)

GavinGavin
   Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 18:30

Forever is good but I think I'd just say gone rather that past (actually that should be passed anyway)...

GavinGavin
   Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 18:39

Well stick with 'passed' but maybe it augment it a little with 'that passed by' or 'that passed me by' even?

GavinGavin
   Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 18:50

Yes that comes across I think. :)
(Although "had a pleasant youth" is a very dodgy double entendre in English) ;)

During my youth = ma jeunesse
A youth = a young man

GavinGavin
   Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 18:51

Yes it does rather - seemed apposite but maybe I'm adding too much meaning?

GavinGavin
   Segunda-feira, 09/07/2018 - 09:32

I like "youthfull spring" - brings to mind Shakespeare's "my salad days, when I was green in judgement". (Antony and Cleopatra)

IgeethecatIgeethecat    Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 18:51

Guys, it is much simpler- he just regrets about some spring in his live. He didn’t know her (he is too old), but in case that she was there, who knows what would happened :) Y) peace

GavinGavin
   Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 18:16

I prefer "could" as it goes nicely with the past tense (my hair has turned grey). Although it could just as well be the conditional... which also works fine anyway :)

IgeethecatIgeethecat    Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 18:17

The bla-bla here was more about the meaning. Strange guy approached a girl, she punched him between his eyes, she goes back to her drunk hubby

Sophia_Sophia_
   Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 18:20
Igeethecat schreef:

Strange guy approached a girl, she punched him between his eyes, she goes back to her drunk hubby

That was in another song!

Sophia_Sophia_
   Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 14:16

нежная ---> I would rather say "gentle", "soft" , "tender"...
What do you think?

Alexander LaskavtsevAlexander Laskavtsev    Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 14:29

I'm always loving "tender" in such cases (though quite often I was corrected) ;)

Sophia_Sophia_
   Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 18:50

By the way, and interesting article about this movie.
https://lera-komor.livejournal.com/265600.html

I especially like this

Quote:

Супруга композитора Рощина, с болью и горечью перепевая только что пропетый мужем для любовницы романс, как будто наводит обратный зум на его души сомнительно прекрасные порывы, четко указывая на то, где Любовь, а где так, маленький свербящий любеночек

IgeethecatIgeethecat    Sexta-feira, 06/07/2018 - 19:19

Do you (we) have something similar to “summer of 1967”?

sandringsandring    Segunda-feira, 09/07/2018 - 15:53

Pierre, I think you've all overlooked a few important points.

1. cross my path - it's usually about an enemy. Why didn't you come my way, you - so young and sweet-. "Lass" has a Scottish flavour. "Tender" is OK when followed by a noun. A tender kiss etc. Standing alone it's about the quality of meat. "The steak is tender.." :)
2. I forgot how many years had slipped away
3. Your youthfulness reminded me of that (not remembered)
4. regrets about that my spring that passed, the inimitable one, without you
5. My grey hair fears your locks ("afraid" won't do, I'm afraid)
6. Looks like we won't enjoy our dates
7. No fates, pls. The film might be called "The Roads We Take". We are walking different roads/ Our roads fork
8. You're my last love, my pain. (suffering is no good here, I think)

Hope, it helps. :)

sandringsandring    Segunda-feira, 09/07/2018 - 16:12

неповторимая - inimitable, unsurpassable, unique :)

BratBrat    Segunda-feira, 09/07/2018 - 16:26

And if you are not afraid of sounding archaic and somewhat French, then you may use "irremeable" here.

sandringsandring    Segunda-feira, 09/07/2018 - 16:15

Pierre, "fate" is rather something written in the stars. This film is about different people taking different roads in life, making their choice of lifeways according to their outlook, ideas etc. That was my point. :)

BratBrat    Segunda-feira, 09/07/2018 - 16:23

I'd say, the movie is about different backgrounds....

sandringsandring    Segunda-feira, 09/07/2018 - 16:17

If you don't like "pain" then "anguish" is closest.