Солнце на блюдце (Solntse na blyudtse) ( Tradução para Inglês)

Revisão de texto solicitada
Tradução para InglêsInglês
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Sun on a Silver Platter

...йокоп - иинеживд в атнирибал йеревд ялетинарх сьлуП1
 
The shroud of twilight fog hangs over,
With only light marking our way.
How many trinkets are in your pocket,
And how many trinkets are in your heart.
Give me a bedtime story, one of fate,
[One]That pulls me into terror,
[One]That takes me into a dark place,
And then carry me through this place in your arms
 
[Cary me to]Where there is light.
Where above us is a large sky,
And shinning over the world,
A ball of fire.
The first ray of which,
The Herald of Victory,
And when a spark touches down,
It does so in my palms.
 
Liquid sun in a silver platter,
Turning shadows into smoke,
Oh how grey they were.
I didn't have a second to look back,
Behind me a raging blizzard,
Dancing circles around me, the centuries go by.
And all I could touch, just barely,
Felt like snow
 
From what bloodlines does its shine comes from,
From what peaks does its love comes from,
And from what winds does its fire come from,
And should I be shielded from it or not?
 
Show me the faithful brotherhood of the night,
Who were blinded during the battle for brightness
Be their guide and lead them,
If I was you, I'd take it at face value. That's the entire story story. 2
 
[Cary me to]Where there is light.
Where above us is a large sky,
And shinning over the world,
A ball of fire.
The first ray of which,
The Herald of Victory,
And when a spark touches down,
It does so in my palms.
 
Liquid sun in a silver platter,
Turning shadows into smoke,
Oh how grey they were.
I didn't have a second to look back,
Behind me a raging blizzard,
Dancing circles around me, the centuries go by.
And all I could touch, just barely,
Felt like snow
 
  • 1. Пуль хранителя дверей лабиринта в движени - покой Translated : The bullets of the gate-keeper lay peacefully.
  • 2. Okay this one has something. You want a story about the Herald of Victory, brotherhood of night, and whatever this song is about I'll give it to you.
Obrigado!

Open to suggestions to improve the translation

Adicionado por Vladimir4757Vladimir4757 em Quarta-feira, 15/09/2021 - 19:26
Última edição feita por Vladimir4757Vladimir4757 em Segunda-feira, 20/09/2021 - 16:05
Comentários do autor:

You're getting a story about this. I lied about the last one, but this time I promise you, you're getting a fun story. A gothic tale of sorts.

O autor da tradução solicitou revisão de texto.
Isso significa que ele ficaria feliz em poder receber correções e sugestões sobre a tradução.
Se você é proeficiente nas duas linguagens, você é bem vindo a deixar seus comentários.

Солнце на блюдце (Solntse na blyudtse)

Comentários
PinchusPinchus    Sexta-feira, 17/09/2021 - 13:15

Мамусь, слабоват мой английский такое переводить, тем более, что я местами и русский текст не понимаю. Однако, в английском ошибок хватает, причем даже там, где все довольно понятно. Но лучше [@St. Sol]'а попросить помочь - он специалист по Алисе.

Бубенцы, думаю, взялись от "птицы-тройки". Что такое "принять на грудь" - все мы знаем. Но принять на грудь "бубенцы" - уже довольно загадочно.

IgeethecatIgeethecat    Sexta-feira, 17/09/2021 - 22:16

Спасибо и на том
А то ща как приму на грудь -- мало не покажется

IgeethecatIgeethecat    Sexta-feira, 17/09/2021 - 22:32

Ну да, это ж очевидно

PinchusPinchus    Sexta-feira, 17/09/2021 - 22:51

Ух ты, сколько синонимов!

Kevin RainbowKevin Rainbow    Sexta-feira, 17/09/2021 - 23:33

Definitely a liberal translation, I think.

Цитат:

Время отмечать пройденный путь

"Time to celebrate the path travelled" (?)

Not sure how you interpret this as "With only the light of time lighting the way"

Цитат:

" Искрой лёг
В мою ладонь."

Should be in the past tense (лёг), I believe.

As a spark touched down
In my palm"

Цитат:

From what bloodlines does its shine comes from,
From what peaks does its love comes from

Since it is used with "does", "comes" should be "come" in these lines.

PinchusPinchus    Sexta-feira, 17/09/2021 - 23:32

>"Time to celebrate the path travelled" (?)
А может быть "Time to mark the path travelled" (on the map, for example)?

Vladimir4757Vladimir4757    Segunda-feira, 20/09/2021 - 14:47

I'm going over your suggestions. I'm not ignoring y'all

Vladimir4757Vladimir4757    Segunda-feira, 20/09/2021 - 14:48

I'm glad to see a discussion over this song as I want to better translate it. I'll mark it for proofreading

Vladimir4757Vladimir4757    Segunda-feira, 20/09/2021 - 15:52

Alright I've gone over everyone's opinions and will begin to attempt a retranslation of the song. Alisa's lyrics can be quite challenging for me, but I try. I'm glad you have all given me feedback and I hope I can make this translation better

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