
As always, take these remarks as optional. Neither of the languages is my mother's tongue.
Dem täglichen Trott folgeleistend -> can't understand your transaltion, probably because of my limited German. I would have thought it meant someting like "Paying the price for the daily routine".
rest- and aimless -> not sure it's possible to say it that way in English. More like "aimless, restless".
A collective that's eroded -> I think you can drop "that's"
With each new day of your life in temptation / Unrestrained greed forces away your formerly individual thinking -> it's very precise as far as meaning is concerned, but I think some adaptation could make it a bit lighter. For instance "Each day of your life amid/of temptations / a boundless greed forces your critical mind further away"
individual acting -> "acting" sounds more like playing a role in a movie. Maybe "actions" instead?
Kein Interesse mehr am eigenen Leben -> here again a slight adaptation to lighten the English : "having lost interest..."
only phantoms of -> I think "shadows" would fit better (it has also the meaning of "ghost").
drips out of the nose -> from the nose
Du würgst den Ekel Zorn bebend hinunter-> "gag down" seems a bit strange. Maybe "swallow back" or "choke back" would be sufficient? -> "Trembling, you choke back the anger of revulsion"
oozes out of your mouth -> oozes from...
Wie viel Hass bezwingt dein Herz -> based on the context, I would vote for the footnote meaning (How much hatred rules over your heart?)