Taeko Ohnuki - Karappo no Isu (からっぽの椅子) (traducere în Engleză)

Japoneză

Karappo no Isu (からっぽの椅子)

傍には からっぽの椅子
揺れ 揺られた 昨日の午後
 
このまま 夢の間を
さまよえたら 幸福なの
 
あなたがいなければ
この街棄てて
今から 独りで始めるのに
 
こんなに 長い日が落ち
窓明りは 揺れないまま
 
あなたがいなければ
この街棄てて
今から 独りで始めるのに
 
Postat de Sparsebone la Marţi, 13/02/2018 - 23:22
Comentariile autorului:
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traducere în Engleză

Empty Chair

There's an empty chair beside me,
the same one in which you rocked back and forth yesterday afternoon
 
If I could wander around like this in my dreams
I'd become happy
 
If only you weren't here anymore
I'd leave this town behind
And start anew by myself
 
And so, the long day ends
and the light filtering through my window remains without wavering
 
If only you weren't here anymore
I'd leave this town behind
And start anew by myself
 
I hope this was helpful! Any corrections are truly appreciated.
These translations are made with love and care, so it'd be great if you credited me whenever you repost them somewhere else!
Postat de Rezz la Miercuri, 16/05/2018 - 22:10
Adaugat ca răspuns la cererea Grace Ocampo
Ultima oară editat de Rezz în data Joi, 16/08/2018 - 15:00
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Comentarii
TrottyJPN    Vineri, 13/07/2018 - 04:26

The sencond stanza that ends with "なの" is not a question but a statement.
This particular female cadence is pretty common ("私はチョコレートが大好きなの。").
She's saying that she WOULD be happy if she could stay wandering between dreams.

Also, the chorus, as you have translated it, suggests that when he goes away,
she will be lonley and sad, but what it actually means is that
she kind of wishes he wasn't there, so she'd be able to start anew some place else, alone.
But she can't because he's there. The ”のに” at the end implies her "wish".

I hope that made sense.

Rezz    Vineri, 13/07/2018 - 15:51

Thank you so, so much for the explanations! They're crystal clear. I've made the corresponding corrections - is it more accurate now? Are there any other mistakes you'd like to point out? It's always great to have a native's help Teeth smile

TrottyJPN    Vineri, 13/07/2018 - 22:36

Glad to be of help!

It's not mistakes per se, but the chorus part could express the protagonist's
"dilemma" better with "If ONLY you weren't here", maybe?

"start anew by myself", I think, is enough to express what "今から独りで" tries to say.
Maybe "from that point on" isn't necessary.

I love what you did with the beginning of the second verse. "And so", while they're just
two simple words, perfectly capture the feeling of the original lyric. If I were to translate
this song, the line "こんなに長い日が落ち" would have been one of the toughest parts.
You've done it beautifully.

 
 

Rezz    Joi, 16/08/2018 - 15:08

I'm sorry for the late reply! I've been quite busy lately ;A;
I've corrected the two parts you suggested. You're right, it sounds a lot better!
Thank you so much! You're right, it was quite tough, but it's great to hear that it turned out nicely in the end!