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Paysage subarctique

Ce soir d'un blanc laiteux et d'un noir infernal,
On voit les six grands feux au corps de la Grande Ourse,
Et l'on trouve recouverte au sol fauve la source,
Qui dans les étés courts jouit d'un temps hivernal.
 
Le jour se fait toujours opaque et peu vernal,
Donc où peut-on de fait puiser des forces ? En Bource ?
On a grande fortune ; ici, on fait des courses
Pour meubler son ennui. C'est peu original !
 
On parle d'un pays, d'un froid sombre en hiver,
D'une terre marquée par la fraîcheur de l'air
Constamment douteuse, toujours si ambigüe.
 
On raconte l'éclat des heures printanières,
Un vrai conte de fées d'un empire peu fier
Depuis quelques éons géré par Glace nue.
 
Traducere

Subarctic Landscape

It's white as milk tonight while it's black as never,
There are the six bright lights of the Great Bear up there,
And on the brownish ground there is the iced water,
Which in the short summer enjoys winter weather.
 
The day always comes in as opaque and un-spring,
So where can one get some strength? In the Marketplace?
The riches are plenty; here people go replace
Something with their ennui. That does not do a thing!
 
They talk about a realm of winter cold darkness,
A country with a trace of ambiant freshness
Constantly doubious, forever in the vice.
 
They tell about glory of the springtime hours,
A real fairy tale of the meek land of ours
For ages and ages governed by naked Ice.
 
Comentarii
RêveurRêveur    Miercuri, 28/02/2024 - 15:25

Wow, it's really as good as your original in French.
I hope you can feel the rhythm and how smooth it is. - Except probably the 6th line which is a lil weird in both. Btw, it's "strength".
(but it's not just the rhythm, it's also the choice of words, the images, the spirit behind...)
Edit: Also, I feel "They" instead of "We" would fit better, though it really depends on what you want to express.

LaplageLaplage
   Miercuri, 28/02/2024 - 15:49

"On" can mean both, right? It depends how the reader positions him/herself with the story.

RêveurRêveur    Miercuri, 28/02/2024 - 15:53

Indeed. "on" can refer to an unknown subject (on a volé mon sac !), to a general subject (on doit toujours se laver les mains avant de manger), or to "us" (informal but nowadays very common).
But in general, the sentence hints on one of those. Though sometimes there can be some ambiguity or even "overlap" between the last two meanings.
In this case, I read it as sth like "they tell about...".

- I was clearly not saying that translating as "we" was wrong, it all depends on what you want to mean.