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少女の頃に戻ったみたいに (shōjo no koro ni modotta mitai ni) (traducere în Engleză)

少女の頃に戻ったみたいに

くり返し見る夢に
目が覚めてみると
胸の動悸が 早いことに気づく
いつも白線 踏みはずして
走る私がいる
何故?理由(わけ)もないの 声をあげて泣きたくなる
 
幼い 少女の頃に戻ったみたいに
やさしく 髪を撫でてくれる
そんな温かい手を いつも待っていた
あなただけは 私を やさしい人にしてくれる
とても 大好きよ とても 大好きよ
 
どんなに情熱 かたむけても
わかりあえない 人もいる
そんな日は 心が 曇ってしまうわ
恋は規則正しい リズムを刻まない
心地良いソファーでまた 眠ってしまった
 
懐かしい 少女の頃に戻ったみたいに
やさしく 髪を撫でてくれる
そんな温かい手を いつも待っていた
あなただけは 私を そっと包みこんでくれる
とても 愛してる とても 愛してる
 
あなただけは 私を そっと包みこんでくれる
とても 愛してる 赤いハートで
 
lovin' you あなたと...
 
Postat de AchampnatorAchampnator la Duminică, 08/10/2017 - 15:18
Ultima oară editat de MissAtomicLauMissAtomicLau în data Miercuri, 06/07/2022 - 19:58
traducere în EnglezăEngleză
Aliniază paragrafe

Like I am a little girl again

Versiuni: #1#2
When I woke up from the repeating dreams,
I noticed my heart was
throbbing faster.
There is always me losing steps
from the right track.
I'm not sure why but without any reason I feel like crying my heart out.
 
Like a child, like I am a little girl again,
I have always been waiting for a warm hand
to gently stroke my hair.
You are the only one who could make me a gentle person.
I love you, I love you so much.
 
No matter how much I devote my passion,
there are people who can not understand each other.
On such an occasion, my heart becomes cloudy.
Love doesn't tick away a regular rhythm.
I fell asleep again on a comfortable sofa.
 
Like the old days, like I am a little girl again,
I have always been waiting for a warm hand
to gently stroke my hair.
You are the only one who could wrap me gently
I love you, I love you so much.
 
You are the only one who could wrap me gently
I love you so much, with my scarlet heart.
 
Lovin' you, with you. 1
 
  • 1. Revised version. thanks to MickG
Mulțumesc!
Postat de uji nauji na la Marţi, 05/07/2022 - 07:29
Ultima oară editat de uji nauji na în data Joi, 22/09/2022 - 11:45
Comentariile autorului:
Comentarii
MickGMickG    Miercuri, 06/07/2022 - 17:14

I believe this translation could use some touching up. Let me go through it basically line by line to give my comments.

----------------

---- 1: «When I woke up from the repeating dreams, / I noticed my heart is / throbbing faster.» ----

The first thing I notice is that "kizuku" is present, while you translated it with the past "noticed": why? Shouldn't «Mune no douki ga hayai koto ni kizuku» mean «I notice my heart is throbbing faster»?
Also, if you use the past "noticed", then "is" is ungrammatical and must be "was", whereas if it should indeed be "notice", then it also should be "wake up": either all present, or all past.
Why "faster"? I'd say just "fast", you're not comparing it to anything, are you?
The line division doesn't really match the original, which has a somewhat weird line division anyway. To match it better, you should put the last two lines together, and split the first one, probably between "up" and "for". I know this produces two lines that don't match their sided originals because English forces you to swap them, but there's not much you can do. If the two lines were together, it would be better.
I wouldn't use "the" (the dream(s) has/ve not been mentioned before), or the plural. I'd go with either "a repeating dream", or maybe "my repeating dream".
Btw, here we have a conflict between translations: the text, to me, looks like «In a repeating dream, / When I try to open my eyes» (or try to wake up), and the other English translation does that, but both you and the Thai translation (พอลืมตาตื่นจากฝันอันซ้ำซากนั่นขึ้นมา, Google translation "When I woke up from that repetitive dream" - but Thai verbs don't inflect so the past tense is just random Google) do otherwise. So does "Yume ni me ga sameru" mean "Wake up from a dream" or "Wake up in a dream"? Google translates it as "wake up to a dream", but that doesn't make much sense. Can we say "Ongaku ni me ga sameru" = "Wake up to music", i.e. you wake up as music is playing? Or "Sairen ni me ga sameru" = "Wake up to a siren", i.e. a siren is going off as you wake up?

---- 2: «There is always me losing steps / from the right track.» ----

"There is me" doesn't sound very natural. You'd usually say "I am here/there". Maybe you could switch things around here and go with «Always losing steps from the right track, / I am here», which also matches the original better in terms of word order?
"losing steps" also doesn't sound right. I could potentially see "missing steps", but I think what we're going for here is "wasting steps", or "wasting time and effort". I'd also change "from" to "off", so "wasting steps off the right track", meaning walking on a wrong track and wasting time and effort.
"Fumihazusu" means something like "step off, walk away from / out of", while "hakusen"… "white line"? Why is "the right track" referred to as "the white line"?

Always running as I step off the right track,
I am here.

---- 3: «I'm not sure why but without any reason I feel like to cry my heart out.» ----

Why not just directly ask «Why?», as happens in the Japanese?
"feel like" doesn't take "to". It's either "I feel like crying my heart out", or "I want/wish to cry my heart out".

---- 4: «Like an infant, like I am a little girl again, / I was always waiting for a warm hand / to gently stroke my hair.» --

I feel like "I have always been waiting" is more appropriate here.
I see no reason for «Like an infant», especially since I feel this is not referring to infancy, which is very very young, like, before you learn to speak. I'd leave l. 1 as just «As if I were a little girl again». "were" here is a subjunctive, used to show that, in fact, you are not a little girl again, and you couldn't be.

--- 5: «You are the only one who could make me a gentle person. / I love you, I love you so much.» ---

I'd go with "can" rather than "could", but I guess "could" is fine too.

---- 6: «How much I devote my passion, / there are people who can not understand each other.» ----

That indirect question dangling on its own is definitely incorrect. Pretty sure you want a "no matter" at the beginning, or «However much».
And here's another interpretation question. So, if I just write どんなに情熱傾けても分かり合えない, it's definitely «No matter how much devotes 's passion, cannot understand each other», where those who cannot understand each other are the same who devote passion. Why is it that, in the song, you give "devote passion" a different subject than "cannot understand each other"? Couldn't the two lines together mean «There are also people who, no matter how much passion they devote [to each other], cannot understand each other»? The other translations only confuse me further: «No matter how our passion tilts / There are people who cannot mutually understand each other», where "our passion tilts" I cannot really understand, and the Thai ถึงฉันจะทุ่มเทให้เธอขนาดไหน / แต่ก็มีคนไม่เข้าใจฉันอยู่ดี (Google «No matter how much I devote to you / But there are people who don't understand me anyway.», where "wakariaenai" suddenly isn't reciprocal, which I'm pretty sure is wrong. Why would the singer be devoting passion to (or be passionate about) making sure everyone understands each other? Wouldn't «There are people who cannot understand each other no matter how hard they try» make more sense?

---- 6: «On such an occasion, it clouds my heart.» ----

It is unclear to me what "it" refers to. Maybe you should go with «my heart becomes cloudy/clouded/overcast».

---- 7: «Love doesn't tickle away a regular rhythm.» ----

"tickle" is definitely not the word you want here. "kizamu" seems to mean "carve out", so «Love doesn't carve out a regular rhythm», or maybe «Love doesn't follow a regular rhythm».

---- 8: «I fell asleep again on the comfortable sofa.» ----

Once again, which sofa? Maybe "my confortable sofa", or "a comfortable sofa".

---- 9: «Like an old days, like I am a little girl again, / I was always waiting for a warm hand / to gently stroke my hair.» ----

"an old days" is definitely ungrammatical. Maybe you meant "in old days", but that still requires an article: «Like/As in the old days». For the rest, please refer to part 4 above.

---- 10: «You are the only one who could wrap me gently» ----

Aside from the remark of part 5, "wrap" sounds funny. I mean, I know that's what tsutsumikomu literally means, but here it clearly means to hug/embrace, and that's the verb you should use in your translation.

---- 11: «I love you, I love you so much. / You are the only one who could wrap me gently / I love you so much, with my scarlet heart.» ----

OK, again cfr. part 5.

---- 12: «Lovin' you, so much.» ----

"Anata to" does not mean "so much", it means "with you".

----------------

Those are my two cents.

uji nauji na    Miercuri, 06/07/2022 - 19:34

Thank you for deep analysis of my translation.
I will try answer your questions as much as I can.

But, first of all, I have to say that I didn't do word-for-word translation. Some part I tried "free translation".
So, some part, you will think this is not literal "word-for-word translation.

1. I used past tense, not present tense,
because "くり返し見る夢に / 目が覚めてみると / 胸の動悸が 早いことに気づく" is happened in the past.
Like you wrote, «I notice my heart is throbbing faster» is OK, I think. But I thought it sounds natural to use "noticed".
Why faster? oh, well, because her heartbeat is "faster" than usual. her heartbeat is "more" fast. It is compare to her normal heartbeat.
About I put dreams, plural, because I think she had the same sort of dreams "many times". She had "many" dreams. "repeated" is "many".

So does "Yume ni me ga sameru" mean "Wake up from a dream"
Yes, its "Wake up from a dream".

(Sorry I might have missed out some of your questions for no.1. I appreciate if you can write me shorter and clear sentence.)

2. (Oh yes, about question no.2, I didn't do literal translation. I translated "freely". For example, I didn't use the word "white line".)

私がいる can be translated as "there is me". 私がいる is unusual way. So, I followed the way she speaks.
I can try saying "I always lose steps from the white lined track." But, "there is me" sound better for "私がいる", I thought.

""white line"? Why is "the right track" referred to as "the white line"?"

Above is a good question. I translated "white line" as "the right track", but it's my style of translation.

If I go more "literal" translation, it could be, "I find myself always stepping off the white line while I'm running."

私がいる should be translated into "there is me" or "I find myself". It's very hard to explain, but it's not a better choice to use "I am here." for 私がいる

3. "feel like" doesn't take "to"
Wow, can't I say "I feel like to cry my heart out." ?

4. Again, I might have made grammatical errors

I used "Like an infant" because "Like an old days" is the comparison word coming right after it.
Again, I followed the way she speaks. the way she sings.

5. Yes, I admit I often mixed up using "could" and "can".

6. About no.6, oh well, all I can say is that "tilts" does not sound correct for 傾ける

7. "kizamu" seems to mean "carve out" ← No, I'm sorry but this is wrong. Kizamu here does not mean "carve out".
Tokei ga toki wo kizandeita = A clock was ticking away (from dictionary)

And sorry! I used "tickle" wrongly. It should be, "Love doesn't tick away a regular rhythm"

Tickle is wrong. It should be "tick". I will correct it after this.

8. Yes, it should be "a".

9. Yes, it should be "the"

10. Yes, I used "wrap" because it's "tsutsumikomu".

11. sorry I don't know "cfr"

12. "Anata to" does not mean "so much", it means "with you".
Yes, I thought "Lovin' you, so much." sounds better than "Lovin' you, with you." I did not translate literally.

I think the biggest mistake is "tickle". I will correct that shortly.
Thanks for all these analysis. I appreciate.

I think I could not answer all your question. If you want to know further, would you mind question me again please.

MickGMickG    Miercuri, 06/07/2022 - 23:08

A: What makes you think "kizuku" happened in the past if it is a present tense?

B: If you use the past, "is" needs to be "was": "I noticed that my heart *was* throbbing faster".

C: "repeating dreams" means there are multiple distinct dreams that happen multiple times, "repeating dream" means it's always the same dream. I guess we can't really tell which is the case here. I recommend using "my" instead of "the" anyway.

D: I recommend dividing the lines differently to better match the original:

When I woke(/wake) up
From the(/my) repeating dreams,
I noticed(/notice) that my heart *was*(/is) throbbing faster

E: OK, so "wake up from a dream". One more thing: Google translates it as "wake up to a dream", but that doesn't make much sense, and Google is always an untrustworthy source. However, can we say e.g. "Ongaku ni me ga sameru" = "Wake up to music", i.e. you wake up as music is playing? Or "Sairen ni me ga sameru" = "Wake up to a siren", i.e. a siren is going off as you wake up?

F: What is the difference between 夢に目が覚める & 夢に目が覚めてみる (which we see here)? [This is a new question.]

>私がいる can be translated as "there is me". 私がいる is unusual way. So, I followed the way she speaks.
I can try saying "I always lose steps from the white lined track." But, "there is me" sound better for "私がいる", I thought.

G: I see: unusual translation for unusual original phrasing. Could the white line be a reference to some athletic context?

>Wow, can't I say "I feel like to cry my heart out." ?

H: Not as far as I know, no. As Wiktionary (https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/feel_like) puts it, «_feel like_ can be followed by either a noun or by a gerund e.g. _After a long day chopping wood, I felt like (taking) a bath_.». It doesn't say infinitive, and the infinitive sounds wrong to me.

I: I have the impression that "I have always been waiting" fits better than "I was always waiting": it's an action that has been going on for a long time and is continuing till now, not one that was continuous in the past but may be confined to it.

>I used "Like an infant" because "Like an old days" is the comparison word coming right after it.
Again, I followed the way she speaks. the way she sings.

J: I see, but maybe «Like a child»? I mean, this song doesn't conjure up the image of a baby in my mind, but of a kindergarten or primary school girl (which wouldn't be an infant). Is it just me? In any case, I would suggest «as if I were/was a girl again», with the subjunctive, as I explained in the other comment.

>6. About no.6, oh well, all I can say is that "tilts" does not sound correct for 傾ける

K: Yeah, in this context definitely not, but it could be right in other contexts. Japanese Wiktionary does give sense 1 as «水平または垂直であったものを斜めにする», which definitely sounds like "tilt, slant, incline". I suppose the sense we want here is something like "concentrate, devote, focus, pour". The other mistake in the other English version is that they're reading this as どんなに情熱[が]傾けても, whereas I believe the implied particle is more likely を, so "jounetsu wo katamukeru" = "devote passion/zeal".

L: «How much I devote my passion» cannot stand on its own, it must either be an indirect question (therein including the possibility of «No matter how much …» = «It doesn't matter how much …»), or be changed to «However much …».

M: If I just write どんなに情熱傾けても分かり合えない, it's definitely «No matter how much [some group of people] devote their passion, [that group of people] cannot understand each other», where those who cannot understand each other are the same who devote passion (right?). Why is it that, in the song, you give "devote passion" a different subject than "cannot understand each other"? Couldn't the two lines together mean «There are also people (hito mo iru) who, no matter how hard they try (donna ni jounetsu katamukete mo), cannot understand each other (wakariaenai)»?

N: Whoops, I had two 6, the second one being "6: «On such an occasion, it clouds my heart.» It is unclear to me what "it" refers to. Maybe you should go with «my heart becomes cloudy/clouded/overcast».". I think you missed this?

>7. "kizamu" seems to mean "carve out" ← No, I'm sorry but this is wrong. Kizamu here does not mean "carve out".
>Tokei ga toki wo kizandeita = A clock was ticking away (from dictionary)

O: Yeah, I now see that was just me trusting the suboptimal dictionary that is English Wiktionary for Japanese too much. JEDict also has "tick away (time); beat out (rhythm)". Maybe "doesn't beat a regular rhythm"?

>10. Yes, I used "wrap" because it's "tsutsumikomu".

P: Another odd word choice in Japanese reflected in an equally odd English word :)? Is it in any way common to use "tsutsumikomu" to refer to hugs?

>11. sorry I don't know "cfr"

Q: That means "compare". I was sending you back to 5 for the comment on "could".

>"Lovin' you, so much." sounds better than "Lovin' you, with you."

R: Maybe "together with you" is a bit better?

uji nauji na    Joi, 07/07/2022 - 06:57

B: If you use the past, "is" needs to be "was": "I noticed that my heart *was* throbbing faster".

Mmm, good point, I thought my heart "is" throbbing. not "was". Mmm, can't I say, "I noticed he is healthy"? Mmm, you're right, I may have to say
"I noticed he was healthy." My grammatical error again! I will correct to "I noticed that my heart *was* throbbing faster" very soon.

D:

Yes, you're right. I think I mixed up tenses.

E.

Yes, "wake up to a dream" is literal translation.

F.

夢に目が覚めてみる sounds very weird. "The eyes wake up to dream" Whereas 夢に目が覚める sounds correct. "I wake up to a dream".

"Ongaku ni me ga sameru" = "Wake up to music" ← Yes, Ongaku ni me ga sameru also can be mean "Wake up as a musician."

G Could the white line be a reference to some athletic context?

For this question, I totally have no idea. What I imagined is white line only means "track of life".
I don't think "white line" refer to white line written on school athletic oval. Why it is white? I have no idea.

H: Not as far as I know, no.

Okay, my grammatical error again. I will correct this. I will switch to "I feel like crying my heart out".

I felt like (taking) a bath ← So, its wrong to say, "I felt like to take a bath", is it?

This line, 何故?理由(わけ)もないの 声をあげて泣きたくなる can be translated "Why? without a reason, I felt like crying out loud."
I didn't translate that way, because I felt like using the word, "cry my heart out".

I: I have the impression that "I have always been waiting" fits better than "I was always waiting":

I agree with this. but I always have to make sentences shorter. To make it sound like a song.

J: I see, but maybe «Like a child»?

Yes, it's okay to put it that way. Mmm, "infant" sounds like baby? I tried to find a good word for 幼い. OK, I will switch to "Like a child".

K "tilt, slant, incline"

No, this song's case, I have to use "devote". It's the same as "情熱を傾ける" (I devote my passion). It's not "I tilt my passion".

L: No matter how much

Oh yes, I should say "No matter how much" I will correct that.

M:

Yes, I agree about L and M and N. I will try correct that very soon.

O:

Yes, it's ok to use "beat", but I prefer using "tick" for "kizamu" here.

P:"tsutsumikomu" to refer to hugs?

My dictionary has "tsutsumu" but it doesn't have "tsutsumikomu".
So, I googled and it says "tsutsumikomu" = wrap-up / cover / envelope / include/engulf

So, its okay to use "envelope". If you translate freely, you can use "hug" and "embrace" as well.

Q: cfr
Ah, thank you. I wanted to know that word.

MickGMickG    Miercuri, 06/07/2022 - 23:55

About the beginning, I suppose you mean that, since it's a repeating dream, it happened both in the present and the past? Let's put it like this: if you use the present (I notice, I wake up), what I gather is that this is something that happens in the present, and may have happened in the past as well. If you use the past (I noticed, I woke up), then the event definitely happened in the past, but I'd typically not expect it to be still happening in the present. I believe the song means the former. What do you think?

uji nauji na    Joi, 07/07/2022 - 05:03

"it happened both in the present and the past?" what I think is that "repeating" just means she had "many" dreams before she wakes up.
So, dreams were happened before she wakes up and it's in the past. I believe.

dreams are not still happening after she wakes up and in the present. I think. Does this answer?

Repeating dreams (many dreams) were happened in the past and are not going on in the present.

I think ZARD's lyrics are difficult because she often suddenly, abruptly switches the subject of storyline.
For example, a comfortable sofa appears out of nowhere.

MickGMickG    Joi, 07/07/2022 - 07:50

"When I wake up from my repeating dreams, I notice etc.": there are these dreams I have often these days, I may or may not have had them in a past time period, and when I wake up from them, my heart is throbbing fast.

"When I woke up from my repeating dreams, I noticed etc.": I used to have certain repeating dreams that made me wake up with a throbbing heart, but I'm not clearly indicating if they're still recurring, and in fact this past tense kind of suggests they haven't happened for a while.

That's how I'd read the two sentences.

uji nauji na    Miercuri, 06/07/2022 - 19:49

If you can make questions in one short brief sentences, rather than long paragraph, I might be able to understand you correctly.
ご質問は1行で書いていただけると助かります。(It would be helpful if you could write your question on one line.)

Thanks!

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