Chaff rhymes, but it don't think is a good choice. Cloud is like a husk? Fodder? Trash? Joke?
I'm not criticizing - just want to know what association you wanted to convey.
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Corectură cerută
Versuri originale
В июле
В полях созрел ячмень.
Он радует меня!
Брожу я целый день
По волнам ячменя.
Смеется мне июль,
Кивают мне поля.
И облако - как тюль,
И солнце жжет, паля.
Блуждаю целый день
В сухих волнах земли,
Пока ночная тень
Не омрачит стебли.
Спущусь к реке, взгляну
На илистый атлас;
Взгрустнется ли,- а ну,
А ну печаль от глаз.
Теперь ли тосковать,
Когда поспел ячмень?
Я всех расцеловать
Хотел бы в этот день!
Postat de St. Sol la 2017-08-01
Traducere
In July
Rye's ripened in the plain.
It brings joy to my eyes!
I'm wandering all day
Across the waves of rye.
July greets me with laugh,
The rye fields nod to me.
The cloud is like sparse fluff:
The sun burns through with glee.
I'm wandering all day
Through dry waves of the land,
Until night shadows lay
The murk upon rye strands.
I'll go down to the creek
And look at silty stream;
If sadness starts to peek,
I'll let it go like dream.
For now is not the time
To pine when rye is ripe.
My fond wish is sublime:
To kiss all, every type!
echiritmic
Mulțumesc! ❤ | ||
thanked 2 times |
Thanks Details:
Utilizator | Înainte cu |
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BlackSea4ever | 5 ani 7 luni |
Igeethecat | 5 ani 7 luni |
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you should keep on trying...
Postat de St. Sol la 2018-08-29
Comentariile autorului:
[ER-p] Equirhythmic rhymed translation.
.
* Rye: (lit.) barley.
.
The running meter: [ -^ -^ -^ ]
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Comentarii
BlackSea4ever wrote:Chaff rhymes, but it don't think is a good choice. Cloud is like a husk? Fodder? Trash? Joke?
I'm not criticizing - just want to know what association you wanted to convey.
If I may, "fluff" seems to fit much better. Only remember that it's a mass noun as well as "chaff", so it should go without article -> "like white fluff", for instance...
P.S. "Sparse chaff" also looks good in the light of your intention.
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