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Аз съм твоят мъж (Az sym tvojat myzh) (перевод на Английский)

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Болгарский

Аз съм твоят мъж (Az sym tvojat myzh)

Не ме питай за преди –
бил съм някой друг, дните си пилях…
Не ме питай за преди,
нечий друг живот помня, че живях – не мой.
 
Но изведнъж някой ме избра –
някой там над мен, Бог или съдба,
света ми промени
и ми прати теб, и ми прати любовта.
 
И си в живота ми една,
една-единствена жена,
една-единствена, една за цял живот!
И си в живота ми една,
една-единствена жена,
и за това, че си с мен – благодаря ти!
 
Жена, която винаги до мен
остава и обича ме, и ми прощава…
Жена, в която всяка нощ и ден
се влюбвам пак и пак за тебе полудявам.
Не мога нищо повече да искам, просто знай това –
аз съм твоят мъж.
 
Не знам бил ли съм преди
лош или добър, верен или не…
Не знам имало ли е
други и преди в моето сърце, не знам.
 
Всичко е там, някъде назад,
търсил ли съм те, чакал ли съм те –
сега вече не знам,
но сега си тук и са други дните ми.
 
И си в живота ми една,
една-единствена жена,
една-единствена, една за цял живот!
И си в живота ми една,
една-единствена жена,
и за това, че си с мен – благодаря ти!
 
Жена, която винаги до мен
остава и обича ме, и ми прощава…
Жена, в която всяка нощ и ден
се влюбвам пак и пак за тебе полудявам.
Не мога нищо повече да искам, просто знай това –
аз съм твоят мъж.
 
Жена, която винаги до мен
остава и обича ме, и ми прощава…
Жена, в която всяка нощ и ден
се влюбвам пак и пак за тебе полудявам.
Не мога нищо повече да искам, просто знай това –
аз съм твоят мъж.
 
Не мога нищо повече да искам, просто знай това –
аз съм твоят мъж.
 
Добавлено Ivan U7n в пт, 18/05/2018 - 14:41
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перевод на Английский

I Am Only Yours [Singable]

Do not ask me of my past –
I was someone else wasting days away.
Do not ask me of my past –
I recall it was someone else’s life, not mine.
 
But in a flash someone made a choice,
someone from above, God or maybe Fate –
my world then has been changed,
for they sent me you, and I saw what love is for.
 
And you are all I need in life,
the only person on my mind,
the one, the only one with whom I could grow old!
And you’re the only light I’ve got,
the partner always in my thoughts,
for being here by my side – I need to thank you!
 
You are the only person who stays on
with me and who despite my faults with love repays me.
You are the one who even now keeps on
amazing me and who with ease can drive me crazy.
I have no right to wish for someone better, so be sure of this –
I am only yours.
 
I’m lost if I were before
either bad or good, faithful one or not.
I’m lost whether there have been
others in my past taken by my heart, I’m lost.
 
The truth is there, all way in the past:
have I looked for you, have I hoped for you –
by now I cannot tell,
but this time you’re here and my days thus differ too.
 
And you are all I need in life,
the only person on my mind,
the one, the only one with whom I could grow old!
And you’re the only light I’ve got,
the partner always in my thoughts,
for being here by my side – I need to thank you!
 
You are the only person who stays on
with me and who despite my faults with love repays me.
You are the one who even now keeps on
amazing me and who with ease can drive me crazy.
I have no right to wish for someone better, so be sure of this –
I am only yours.
 
You are the only person who stays on
with me and who despite my faults with love repays me.
You are the one who even now keeps on
amazing me and who with ease can drive me crazy.
I have no right to wish for someone better, so be sure of this –
I am only yours.
 
I have no right to wish for someone better, so be sure of this –
I am only yours.
 
This work (if it isn’t sourced) is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International License. Don’t forget to press the green "Thanks!" button if my translation was helpful (no registration’s required).
Добавлено Ivan U7n в пт, 18/05/2018 - 14:41
В последний раз исправлено Ivan U7n в вт, 22/05/2018 - 10:41
Комментарий:

This is a singable (equirhythimic – rhythmically identical) translation. As a result the translation is not quite literal, although as close to the original as possible.
 
The translation is intentionally genderless.

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Brat    пт, 18/05/2018 - 17:12

Well, a nice translation, but a few spots:
1. I was living in someone else’s life, -> I had been living someone else's life (living IN life looks too weird)
2. I got the love->I got this love (this seems to be better)
3. the sole one-> "the only one" would be better, if the metre allowed it...
4. behave less saner.->it's not so good to say "less saner", the correct form would be "less sanely".
Regular smile

Ivan U7n    сб, 19/05/2018 - 09:29

Thanks, I hoped so!
I've updated the lines you've mentioned, and due to some of them not being to my liking too, some of them got an overhaul. I hope I haven't managed to break something else in the process though. Regular smile

Brat    сб, 19/05/2018 - 17:04

Again, this looks almost fine, except some minor wrinkles.
1. what for is love->what love is for (it's like in this poem of yours, where @Gavin gave you a piece of advice considering what friends are for.) Regular smile
2. if I was before->it's OK according to the modern grammar rules, but I'd still prefer "if I were" Regular smile
3. have I looked for you, have I hoped for you –> I don't know Bulgarian well enough, but I suppose that a construction with "whether" is more suitable here. But I might be mistaken, and all in all, it's still an equirhythimic translation, so it might be too hard to cram this "whether" into the metre...

Ivan U7n    сб, 19/05/2018 - 17:39

Thanks again!
I fixed the first two, but the third I'll leave as it is, for "whether" is cumbersome to squeeze in here. That's why I used the reverse word order -- to indicate an uncertainty. For your reference, this stanza in Russian would be:
Всё там, где-то позади,
искал ли я тебя, ждал ли я тебя –
теперь уже не знаю,
но сейчас ты тут и изменились (являются другими) мои дни.

Brat    сб, 19/05/2018 - 18:23
Ivan U7n wrote:

искал ли я тебя, ждал ли я тебя –
теперь уже не знаю,

Regular smile At least I got it right.
Though it's hard to say "Now I don't even know whether I was seeking or waiting for you" using a totally reversed word order so as to keep line-for-line accuracy. Teeth smile

Ivan U7n    сб, 19/05/2018 - 19:02

Teeth smile That's why this stanza got how it is now -- keeping the original line-by-line meaning, but differing in in-stanza interconnections to keep the same overall meaning.

Gavin    пн, 21/05/2018 - 10:07

Looks like you've got it reading pretty nicely. I can add a few pointers and observations though. To take or leave as you see fit... Regular smile

Do not ask me of my past - "about" is more usual than "of" - but it's fine if you prefer it.

my world won’t be the same - it feels like it needs a "now my world...." or "won't be the same anymore"

"candidate" is an odd choice of word, it has political or professional connotations. I would prefer "The only one" or "the only person"

I'm gonna - bit of a change of tone there, sound a bit slangy compared to the rest. I'd prefer "I'm going to" or maybe "I must" or "I have to" - (I prefer the last one)

Despite my failures - "faults" would be more usual, although the meaning isn't exactly the same.

making thoughts of mine less sane yet - oof! not sure where you're going there!
Driving me to distraction?
Pushing my mind to its limits/the edge?

Something like that?

Thus be sure of this - So be sure of this

yet now it became lost - Yet now it is lost/ Yet now it has become lost

Ivan U7n    пн, 21/05/2018 - 11:41

Thanks! I'll mull them over, but I won't be myself, if I don't counter-comment. Regular smile

Do not ask me of my past = I myself would have preferred "about", but the rhythm. And I didn't want to use 'bout as it sounds to me here like a bout of something like amnesia :).

my world won’t be the same = Now that you mention it, it does sound a bit off. I think it is so because the original stanza is wholly in the past. I'll do something like "my world now ain’t the same". In the original this lines goes as "(some from above) changed my world", but the emphasis is on the word, thus I made it passive.

the single candidate with whom I could grow old! = I wanted to have less repetitions here despite the original having them a plenty. Also this line having irregular singing pattern is not a piece of cake. Maybe something like "the one, the only one with..." will do better?

for being here by my side – I’m gonna thank you! = The tempo intervened here. There was a variant with "I have to", but due to the speed with which these three syllables are pronounced, they sound like "I hafta", thus again taking us back to a slangy sound.

with me and still has love to give despite my failures. = And again the rhythm is to blame, oh and the rhyme too. Regular smile This stanza was the most problematic for me because this line and the one after the next require the stress to be on the next-to-last syllable and have a common rhyme. Also the end of the line is about forgiving some misdeeds, so to sum it all I settled on "failures".

amazing me and making thoughts of mine less sane yet. = It's the same as above. But here the end of the line means "and still you drive me crazy" but really it is backwards "and still I go crazy because of you" as originally this part uses 1st person singular forms.

I have no right to wish for someone better, thus be sure of this – = Hm, and what's wrong with "thus" here, he can't wish for something better, and thus she should be sure of the following. I can change it to "so" easily, but I'm interested in the reason for this.

yet now it became lost, = The original line means "Now I don't even know" referring the line above. Does "yet now all of it’s lost" sounds better?

Gavin    пн, 21/05/2018 - 13:29

Yes, I thought there might be rhythmic considerations, so you must go with the best compromise that suits your ear.

About gonna, gotta, ain't, hafta etc - sure it shows good command of idiomatic language to use them but I wince a bit whenever I see them in a work with poetic intention - they are rather jarring against the rest of the language used. Still, it's your choice.

Yep, I much prefer "The one" or "the only one"

And failures is fine - It just jumped out as a little unusual. You could also have had "failings" if you preferred (which sounds like it means failures but actually means faults) Depends which meaning you are after - the times when you have failed (failures) - or - your general shortcomings(faults/failings)

Ok - something like "amazing me and yet driving me to distraction" - any good?

I think I would say "but now all of it's lost" (or just "but now all is lost") - 'yet' sounds a little odd there.

Ivan U7n    пн, 21/05/2018 - 14:19

First of all, I don't pretend this is some high-end poetry, songs now are written to the words, not to the poetry like before. Moreover the original does have the rhythm (and sometimes even rhymes), but it is so inconsistent from line to line that I can't name it. So I don't see any problem in using some nowadays shortcuts when I can't squeeze full-sized expression. I even heard (if I'm not mistaken) "I'mma" in this year's British Eurovision song.

But maybe "I need to thank you" will better show the intent. And it doesn't sound line any "shortcut" I know.

What about them both together? Regular smile "The one, the o-o-only one"

Considering that the original has "(the woman who) forgives me" I don't think the topic is about general shortcomings, I feel it is more about times of failures no matter the reason (which as well may be some shortcomings).

Unfortunately not, the pattern of this line is: -+-+.-+.-+-±-+-. I think only the Cranberries could sing "mistak-E-n" and get away with it. And "driv-I-ng" would sound similar to it. Also I'm trying to have at least an echo of the rhyme to "failures". Is my variant so out of it that it's totally not salvageable?

I have had "but" here, but the next line begins with it too. I need to think on this, maybe something like "by now it has been lost" or something.

Gavin    пн, 21/05/2018 - 14:32

The one, the only one - that sounds very nice actually! Regular smile

The rest - Well, I'm just fiddling really - matching the rhythm isn't really my thing so I admire your intent.

Maybe the line could be
amazing me and making thoughts of mine less sane yet. => Amazing me while still driving me round the bend
Amazing me while still messing with my mind (yeah)

Or if you must then at least just move the 'yet':
amazing me and yet making thoughts of mine less sane.

It's still a very odd sounding phrase I fear...

Igeethecat    пн, 21/05/2018 - 18:19

Oh, well, isn’t the song is about a women, wife? Or am I missing something?

Ivan U7n    пн, 21/05/2018 - 18:34

It is, but "the translation is intentionally genderless". I heard a female version of this song, and it is somewhat creepy. It sounds to me like "I've got you and there is no way you will ever get rid of me". Wink smile

Ivan U7n    вт, 22/05/2018 - 04:36

I can't say anything about restrooms as my intention was to make the song singable by either a male or a female (or anything in between Regular smile ) without the need to alter the lyrics.

Ivan U7n    вт, 22/05/2018 - 10:47

OK, I tweaked text here and there a little, one spot is still not fully to my liking, but otherwise, I think, the translation now should be good. Regular smile

Brat    вт, 22/05/2018 - 16:04

It's almost OK now, but I still see two dangling modifiers that spoil the party:
1. with me and who despite my faults with love repays me.-> Here I don't see any way to improve the structure, save that you can set it off by commas: "with me and who, despite my faults, with love repays me"
2. amazing me and who with ease can drive me crazy.-> Here I can recommend to get rid of that "with ease" in the following way: you can omit "who" because it's present in the previous line, as a logical subject, and use "in a breeze" instead. ("amazing me, and in a breeze can drive me crazy".) This seems to be better, from my viewpoint, but maybe @Gavin could also tell us something...

Ivan U7n    вт, 22/05/2018 - 17:01

Let's wait and see what Gavin has to say, as adding commas won't be a burden, but from my side it looks that if we remove "who" (not mentioning the singing pattern where it is in the perfect place), then it will be another complement for "keeps on" thus requiring a gerund.

Brat    вт, 22/05/2018 - 17:26

This might be a problem... Nevertheless you could change it into "whose charming(magic) thrills", for instance. Though it would change the meaning slightly.

Ivan U7n    вт, 22/05/2018 - 17:40

Em, change what? "Keeps on" I would prefer not to touch, and "with ease" has just two syllables, thus I'm a little lost. Confused smile

Brat    вт, 22/05/2018 - 17:55

And who with ease->whose charming thrills (this will serve as a subject for the following "can drive me crazy") Regular smile

Ivan U7n    вт, 22/05/2018 - 18:15

The thing with this line is that there should be a pause before "and" and one after "who". I don't think that "whose char ming thrills" will sound great. Wink smile
Moreover, I'm not sure I like the word "thrills" in this context as I don't see how one's thrill (that essentially is being excited or pleased) can drive another person crazy (except in envy). It just doesn't make sense at least to me. Regular smile

Brat    вт, 22/05/2018 - 18:27

If so, you may want to use "whose charm and spell" - that would probably meet your requirements. Regular smile

Ivan U7n    вт, 22/05/2018 - 18:44

Nope, this sounds too feminine for me now. Regular smile As I am trying to avoid any indication of the gender, and if a change is required, I would rather use some adverb like "anew" in place of "with ease" and be done with it. Teeth smile

Gavin    ср, 23/05/2018 - 09:11

Rather lost track there - is there any line under consideration that still needs reviewing? Regular smile

Ivan U7n    ср, 23/05/2018 - 09:19

Well, I made changes in almost every spot you mentioned, but the most changed was the chorus (the 4th stanza).

Gavin    ср, 23/05/2018 - 09:25

Yes, I think it's looking pretty tidy now, the changes look good! Regular smile

Ivan U7n    ср, 23/05/2018 - 09:47

Great! And there are no "dangling modifiers that spoil the party" as Brat put it? Regular smile

Gavin    ср, 23/05/2018 - 09:52

Dangling modifiers although sometimes frowned on are not a massive no-no in songs or poems. It's true that it would be more common to rephrase:

with love repays me => repays me with love
with ease can drive me crazy => can drive me crazy with ease (or just 'easily')

but I don't see a problem if you prefer your phrasing. Regular smile

Ivan U7n    ср, 23/05/2018 - 10:46

Thanks anew! Regular smile I thought something similar too, and naturally in everyday speech, I would put such complements at the end but the rhythm and the rhyme play their own games, especially if they team against me. Teeth smile But sometimes it is hard for me see what is acceptable and what is not due to, as you might know it, my first language -- Russian -- having almost free word order.