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Il suffirait de presque rien (перевод на Английский)

Запрошена проверка
перевод на АнглийскийАнглийский
/Французский
(equirhythmic, metered, rhyming, singable)
A A

Just a mere nothing would suffice

Just a mere nothing would suffice,
Just about ten years less, perhaps,
For me to say to you ´´ je t' aime ´´.
For me to take you by your hand
To lead you there to St Germain
To buy you one more ´´ café crème ´´...
 
But, darling, why put on an act ?
Little girl, come on, look at me.
And see those wrinkles severing us...
Why should I play the comedy
Of the old lover turned younger ?
Yourself wouldn't trust that, in fact.
 
Frankly, what would we two be like?
I can already hear the gibe :
"She's a beauty, how can he still appeal to her ?
She, in springtime, he in winter ?"
 
Just a mere nothing would suffice,
Yet, no one, as you know, I guess,
Ever becomes younger again
Don't be stupid and comprehend,
Were I , like you, in my twenties,
I'd cover you with promises...
 
Oh no, don't tell me, here's your smile
That seems to plunge and to capsize,
And I don't want you to be sad.
Imagine your life, tomorrow,
Spent next to a clown in a show,
Having on the ring his last ride...
 
Frankly, what would we two be like?
I can already hear the gibe :
"She' s a beauty, how can he still appeal to her.
She, in springtime, he in winter ?"
 
Tomorrow, it's a different man
Who' ll take you there to St Germain,
To buy you the first ´´ café crème ´´.
A mere nothing would have sufficed
Just about ten years less, perhaps,
For me to say to you : "Je t'aime ".....
 
Спасибо!
thanked 7 times

hubalclolus

Добавлено Hubert ClolusHubert Clolus в вс, 04/08/2019 - 21:34
В последний раз исправлено Hubert ClolusHubert Clolus в сб, 03/07/2021 - 20:42
Комментарий:

Highly representative of the Paris Montmartre, where all the artits of Paris were, Serge Reggiani became famous in France for the incomparable sadness of his songs. Not known enough, in my opinion, he ´ll get a bit more known to the English-speaking people, I hope,
with the help of this translation, that I rhymed as much as I could, since Serge Reggiani's poetry, like Goethe´s or Wordsworth's , is nothing without rhymes. One loses fifty percent of the nostalgic atmosphere. Write to me if anything looks unEnglish or really odd.

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Французский
Французский
Французский

Il suffirait de presque rien

Комментарии
Torpedo23Torpedo23    сб, 03/07/2021 - 10:15

[@Hubert Clolus]
Cher Hubert,
Merci pour cette jolie traduction ! (:

Quelques notes :
Ponctuation
: Tous les " " et : et ?! et , (sans espace) . voir L3, 6, 7, 11, 14, 16, 30, 32, 34, 35 et 38

To lead you there in St Germain / To pay you one more ´´ café crème ´´
> To lead you there to St Germain / To buy you one more "café-crème"
(peut-être même que "drive to" marcherait mieux ? mais c'est optionnel)

Tomorrow, it's a different man / Who' ll take you there , in St Germain, / To pay you your first ´´ café crème ´´.
> Tomorrow, it's a different man / Who'll take you there, to St Germain, / to buy you your first "café-crème"
(peut-être même "the first café-crème" au lieu de "your", pour rendre le tout un peu plus distant et signifier une nouvelle rencontre ? à voir)

Best,
- Torp

Lets Chill PageLets Chill Page    вт, 05/07/2022 - 02:12
5

Bonjour,
Je ne suis pas assez calé en anglais pour juger de la pureté du style, néanmoins, on se rend bien compte que vous avez travaillé votre traduction. C'est la principale raison de ma notation.
Merci, donc.

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