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Остров невезения (Ostrov Nevezeniya) (перевод на Английский)

перевод на АнглийскийАнглийский (metered, poetic, rhyming, singable)
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Island of Misfortune

Версии: #1#2#3#4#5
Carpeted with greenery, a few square miles
Island of Misfortune in the ocean lies
Island of Misfortune in the ocean lies
Carpeted with greenery, a few square miles
 
Peopled by a savage and unlucky tribe
Fierce in appearance but gentle inside
Fierce in appearance but gentle inside
Peopled by a savage and unlucky tribe
 
Everything they try fails as a norm
As if on a Monday they were all born
As if on a Monday they were all born
Everything they try fails as a norm
 
Can't nab a crocodile, coconuts don't grow
They pray to their idols, letting tears flow
They pray to their idols, letting tears flow
Can't nab a crocodile, coconuts don't grow
 
They don't appear lazy and might do just fine
If Mondays were canceled to the end of time
If Mondays were canceled to the end of time
They don't appear lazy and might do just fine
 
Yet, Island of Misfortune lacks a calendar
Both adults and children waste away so far
Both adults and children waste away so far
On the accursed island there is no calendar
 
For this reason, savages, every day and night
Cry their hearts out with no end in sight
Wailing, poor savages curse their rotten fate
Not knowing the year or the current date
 
Спасибо!
thanked 5 times
This is a poetic translation - deviations from the meaning of the original are present (extra words, extra or omitted information, substituted concepts).
Добавлено trotta.gnamtrotta.gnam в ср, 14/04/2021 - 21:44
В последний раз исправлено trotta.gnamtrotta.gnam в чт, 03/06/2021 - 04:36
Комментарий:

Tried to keep it both rhyming and (more-or-less) literal. Let's see...

Остров невезения (Ostrov Nevezeniya)

Комментарии
SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat    ср, 14/04/2021 - 22:05

Hi, trotta.gnam. Glad to see you back with translations.
A nice translation, although it is not equirhythmic, you have a number of deviations in meter, natural stresses are shifted and so on. I would not change anything, but your tag is unjustified. Rhyming is strong and the original idea carried over nicely.
Not sure about this line: Both adults and children waste away so far. Meaning?

trotta.gnamtrotta.gnam    ср, 14/04/2021 - 22:13

Thanks, Schnurrbrat!
You're right. It's not equirhythmic... As to your question about the line: "Both adults and children waste away so far":
I was trying to use a gratuitous pun, i.e., "so far" meaning: (1) "until now" or "thus far", and (2) "so far away".
(Clearly, none of that is present in the Russian original).

trotta.gnamtrotta.gnam    ср, 14/04/2021 - 22:27

Ah... No, "to waste away" means to "to whither (away)" or "go to waste" which is, IMHO, pretty close to Russian propadat'

SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat    ср, 14/04/2021 - 22:43

Ok, it seems you can use this phrase without at object. (or without a passive form)

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