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Vous lui direz

Sans lui mes rêves se déchirent,
faut dire
qu'un nouveau jour, un long silence
commence.
Elle est gravée dans ma mémoire,
l'histoire
d'une femme et d'un homme heureux.
 
J'ai beau changer souvent d'adresse,
renaissent
les mêmes vides et les angoisses
tenaces ;
j'ai beau m'inventer le contraire,
que faire ?
Sinon tricher encore un peu.
 
Vous lui direz que je suis guérie,
vous mentirez, mes amis, tant pis ;
vous essaierez une fois de plus
de lui cacher que je suis perdue.
 
Vous lui direz sans baisser les yeux
qu'il a bien fait de me dire adieu ;
inventez-lui que belle est ma vie,
que j'ai fini de souffrir pour lui.
~ ~
Un nouveau jour, un nouveau doute
s'ajoute ;
l'oubli est comme certains livres
« à suivre... »
Et moi, dans ma désespérance
immense,
je ne sens pas mourir le feu.
 
Je garde en moi ce qui fut nôtre,
j'emporte
partout ce mot toujours le même :
« je t'aime... »
Et je comprends pourquoi Venise
s'enlise
quand je repense à notre adieu...
 
Vous lui direz que je suis guérie,
vous mentirez, mes amis, tant pis ;
vous essaierez une fois de plus
de lui cacher que je suis perdue.
 
Vous lui direz sans baisser les yeux
qu'il a bien fait de me dire adieu ;
inventez-lui que belle est ma vie,
que j'ai fini de souffrir pour lui.
~ ~
Inventez-lui que belle est ma vie,
que j'ai fini de souffrir pour lui.
 
Превод

You shall tell him

I have to say my dreams are torn apart
without him,
and a new day dawns, like a long
silence.
It is etched in my memory,
this story
of a woman and a man happy together.
 
However often I move places,
the same
persistent emptiness and anguish
come back.
Pretending they don't doesn't help.
What am I to do?
Except keep on deceiving him for a while.
 
You shall tell him I am well now,
even if that means you will lie, my friends.
You shall try once more to spare him
from knowing I am lost.
 
You shall look him in the eyes and say
that leaving me was the right thing to do.
Make up a story about my beautiful life,
tell him I am done suffering for him.
~~
Each day comes with yet another
doubt.
Oblivion is like some books:
"to be continued..."1
While, in my boundless despair
I can't
seem to feel the fire dying out.
 
I keep inside myself what once was ours,
I carry
everywhere this one and only word:"I love you...".
And when I think of our farewell
I realize
why Venice keeps sinking...2
 
You shall tell him I am well now,
even if that means you will lie, my friends.
You shall try once more to spare him
from knowing I am lost.
 
You shall look him in the eyes and say
that leaving me was the right thing to do.
Make up a story about my beautiful life,
tell him I am done suffering for him.
~~
Make up a story about my beautiful life,
tell him I am done suffering for him.
 
  • 1. the metaphor is a bit strange in French too
  • 2. another rather uncommon metaphor!
The author of translation requested proofreading.
It means that he/she will be happy to receive corrections, suggestions etc about the translation.
If you are proficient in both languages of the language pair, you are welcome to коментариши.
Коментари
michealtmichealt    Субота, 21/04/2018 - 20:23

Nice translation.
Footnote 2: the metaphor seems strange in English to me only because of the use of "oblivion" (the state of having forgotten, or of having been forgotten) instead of "forgetting" (the process of ceasing to remember). The point is that the process is never complete, it's always to be continued. It seems very odd to say that about a state. But other English speakers may take a different view, it's not something often talked about (except when discussing consumption of alcohol as a substitue for obtaining some mythical water from Lethe reiver Lethe).

michealtmichealt    Недеља, 22/04/2018 - 09:21

Well, the first thing TLF says about "oubli" is "Phénomène complexe, à la fois psychologique et biologique, normal ou pathologique (dans ce cas, relevant de l'amnésie) qui se traduit par la perte progressive ou immédiate, momentanée ou définitive du souvenir." It would indeed be odd if the sense in this line were other than "la perte progressive du souvenir", but why insist that the meaning of "oubli" is not the only one listed that makes sense in context? (And wasn't it you who pointed me at the online TLF a few years ago?)

michealtmichealt    Недеља, 22/04/2018 - 09:34

On footnote 1, the problem is that "spare him" needs some form of pain or unhappiness as direct object, and "that fact that I am lost" isn't one, so some mental juggling is needed to understand teh line. One option is to translate the French textvery literally,, "lui cacher" = "hide from him" (or "keep from him") and "the fact" is just redundant padding which should be left out (as it is left out in te French); probably best in that case to move the direct object to its natural position the end. Alternatively, you can keep "spare him" but change "the fact" to "from knowing" (or "from learning"), that too would read better in English than aything saying "spare him the fact".

michealtmichealt    Недеља, 22/04/2018 - 11:20

You missed the repeat - stanza 7 should be the same as stanza 3.

IgeethecatIgeethecat    Недеља, 22/04/2018 - 10:25

However often I move places, {do they move places around or or do they move from one place to another?}
the same
persistent emptiness and anguish
come back.
Pretending they don't doesn't help.{they don’t or pretending doesn’t???}
What am I to do? {I am lost - what does it mean and in what tense?}
Except keep on cheating for a wile. {maybe it’s just me, but it sounds weird:}

IgeethecatIgeethecat    Недеља, 22/04/2018 - 13:49

So, is it “cheating for a wHile” or “for a wile”?

IgeethecatIgeethecat    Недеља, 22/04/2018 - 14:13

Ok, then it makes sense. ‘Wile’ confused me - Mireille Mathieu and urban dictionary cannot be used in the same stanza LOL

michealtmichealt    Понедељак, 23/04/2018 - 00:23

"tricher" sounds odd to me, so does "cheating" in English, Your pointing it out made me listen carelully to the video looking for "me tricher", but there was no sign of any "me" so... I think probably "tricher" here should be translated as "pretending" because although the difference in verbs can stretch that far I don't think "deceiving myself" can be what is meant without an audible "me". But then you would have to find a different translation for "inventer la contraire".

michealtmichealt    Понедељак, 23/04/2018 - 11:00

Maybe "deceiving myself" would work?