Vadim Kazachenko - zheltye rozy (желтые розы) (превод на енглески)

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zheltye rozy (желтые розы)

 
В который раз веселый май
Приходит в сонный мир.
Я снова, вспомнив все.
Что раньше не сбылось,
Пойду в весенний сад,
Как много лет назад,
Нарву букет из желтых роз.
Пойду в весенний сад,
Как много лет назад,
Нарву букет из желтых роз
 
Эти желтые розы
В нежном свете заката
Как прощальные слезы, как прощальные слезы.
Может встретились поздно
Мы с тобою когда то?
Нам оставила память
Желтые розы.
 
Вот так же в тот далекий день
Вокруг цвела земля.
Я провожал тебя,
Сдержать не в силах слез.
Ты увезла с собой
Привет прощальный мой:
Большой букет из желтых роз.
Ты увезла с собой
Привет прощальный мой:
Большой букет из желтых роз.
 
Эти желтые розы
В нежном свете заката
Как прощальные слезы, как прощальные слезы.
Может встретились поздно
Мы с тобою когда то?
Нам оставила память
Желтые розы.
 
Эти желтые розы
В нежном свете заката
Как прощальные слезы, как прощальные слезы.
Может встретились поздно
Мы с тобою когда то?
Нам оставила память
Желтые розы.
 
Нам оставила память
Желтые розы...
 
Поставио/ла: DanielZ У: Понедељак, 21/05/2018 - 16:55
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превод на енглески

Yellow Roses

Верзије: #1#2
Again, this merry month of May
comes to a sleepy world.
I again, remembering all the things
that did not happen,
I'll go to this spring garden,
like [so] many years ago,
I pick [from the garden] this bouquet of yellow roses.
I'll go to this spring garden,
like [so] many years ago,
I pick [from the garden] this bouquet of yellow roses
 
These yellow roses
In the tender light of sunset
As tears of farewell, as tears of farewell
Perhaps we met late then?
[Our] memory has remained
Yellow roses.
 
And in that distant day
the earth blossomed around [us] just like [now].
I saw you off,
I cannot hold back my tears.
You took away with you
my greetings of goodbye:
A large bouquet of yellow roses.
You took away with you
my greetings of goodbye:
A large bouquet of yellow roses.
 
These yellow roses
In the tender light of sunset
As tears of farewell, as tears of farewell
Perhaps we met late then?
[Our] memory has remained
Yellow roses.
 
These yellow roses
In the tender light of sunset
As tears of farewell, as tears of farewell
Perhaps we met late then?
[Our] memory has remained
Yellow roses.
 
[Our] memory has remained
Yellow roses...
 
Поставио/ла: DanielZ У: Понедељак, 21/05/2018 - 17:15
Last edited by DanielZ on Субота, 26/05/2018 - 19:54
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Igeethecat    Субота, 26/05/2018 - 01:29

This translation looks odd. “Narva bouquet of yellow roses” sounds like GT, and there are some other ‘glitches’ that make me think that either translator doesn’t understand lyrics or it’s GT’s fault

DanielZ    Субота, 26/05/2018 - 02:06

Thank you for pointing this out. I'll be taking a look at this again and posting a new translation soon. Regular smile

Igeethecat    Субота, 26/05/2018 - 02:09

Punctuation in the original lyrics is not quite right, it makes translation more difficult for foreigners. If you need help, PM me

Igeethecat    Субота, 26/05/2018 - 02:21

BTW, нарвал(а) - нарвать - it’s about picking flowers, not choosing or gifting, more like picking from the field, flower bed, bush, plant, etc.

petit élève    Субота, 26/05/2018 - 02:32

Just to check my Russian, a few remarks. I trust Maria to rap my knuckles for each mistake I'll make Regular smile

В который раз -> rather "once again", I think

веселый май Приходит в сонный мир -> the merry month of May comes to a sleepy world

Я снова, вспомнив все.
Что раньше не сбылось,
Пойду в весенний сад,
Как много лет назад, -> And again, remembering all the things that did not happen, I'll go to this spring garden, like (so) many years ago.

Нарву букет из желтых роз -> I'll pick a bouquet of yellow roses (well I can't seem to remember the proper verb here. Pluck? Gather?)

Как прощальные слезы, как прощальные слезы. -> these flowers [are] like tears of farewell

Может встретились поздно
Мы с тобою когда то? -> that's a single sentence: "maybe we met somewhere, [but] too late" or something like that. Not quite sure about "когда то". Maybe that's rather "somewhat/a bit too late"?

Вот так же в тот далекий день
Вокруг цвела земля. -> and in this distant day the earth blossomed around [us] just like [now]. Well, that would need some rephrasing...

Сдержать не в силах слез. -> lit "not having the strength to hold back my tears" ("unable to hold back my tears")

Ты увезла с собой
Привет прощальный мой: -> you took my farewell (salutation) with you, [namely] a big bouquet of roses....

Igeethecat    Субота, 26/05/2018 - 03:36

В который раз -> rather "again and again"

Что не сбылось - it’s about dreams that didn’t come true

Встретились поздно когда-то - «белые столбы», but don’t call for big hammer on this one Wink smile - they probably meant ‘once / some time ago we met, but it was too late

petit élève    Субота, 26/05/2018 - 02:55

Hehe these white poles seem to come in quite handy. Thanks for the tips!

Igeethecat    Субота, 26/05/2018 - 03:05

And you got the rest of rest yellow roses Regular smile

Igeethecat    Субота, 26/05/2018 - 03:13

And as I remember, in ‘some antique Russian meaning of flowers’, yellow roses were “символ разлуки” Cry smile

petit élève    Субота, 26/05/2018 - 03:15

Good to know. It would have sounded a bit awkward if they were a symbol of happiness Regular smile

Igeethecat    Субота, 26/05/2018 - 03:21

Красные розы - символ любви

Not sure about happiness- maybe lilies :o

petit élève    Субота, 26/05/2018 - 03:25

At any rate, in the unlikely event I'd come to date a Russian girl in the future, I'll be sure not to bring her yellow roses.

Igeethecat    Субота, 26/05/2018 - 03:40

And don’t bring even number of flowers, like a dozen. Even numbers of flowers they bring to the graves, to deceased... another Russian superstition

petit élève    Субота, 26/05/2018 - 03:55

Ok, so a dozen yellow roses on a first date would be a guaranteed fail, I guess.

sandring    Субота, 26/05/2018 - 08:00

Pierre, some tips for your dating a Russian girl.
1. First date - One huge white rose on a long stem/ a bunch of field flowers
2. Further on - red roses or any bouquet (an odd number, please)
3. Saying farewell - 13 yellow roses (Thank you, dear, but it just didn't happen)

A bouquet is an arranged bunch of flowers which you buy. If you pick them yourself it's not a bouquet, it's a bunch of yellow roses. Regular smile

petit élève    Субота, 26/05/2018 - 10:43

Ah, field flowers. That brings up memories... Oh well...

You mean "pick a bouquet" sounds odd to a native? In French you can very well pick a bouquet, or a bunch if you prefer. It's up to you to arrange the flowers or not.

DanielZ    Субота, 26/05/2018 - 11:23

Wow, so many helpful comments! The textures in this frenetically paced song--typical of the melodies in the language I've recently encountered--are amazing, and so are the words. But the challenges presented in the translation are a good reminder of how difficult Russian is. It's great how we also opened a discussion re: flowers--always a good subject to talk about.

Your generous tips will help make this translation perfect once I incorporate the suggested changes. Again, thank you! Regular smile

DanielZ    Субота, 26/05/2018 - 15:39

Thanks to all for your most helpful suggestions. Just updated the translation Would not have been possible to render this as faithfully as it now is without your assistance. We've been reminded also of how punctuation can affect meaning, so that's something I'll be paying more attention to. In addition, I enjoy the cultural comments re: flowers. Regular smile I appreciate your time and once again thank you!

- Daniel

Igeethecat    Субота, 26/05/2018 - 16:19

Мои 5 копеек - всё понятно без square brackets, except “saw you off”

petit élève    Субота, 26/05/2018 - 16:22

might be nitpicking, but roses would rather grow in gardens than in fields Regular smile

DanielZ    Субота, 26/05/2018 - 16:26

More great catches! Thanks! Regular smile

Igeethecat    Субота, 26/05/2018 - 19:28

Сдержать не в силах слез.

Another trap for foreigners. I am not giving you a solution, I am just trying to explain you the meaning

Сдержать - сдерживать = hold on
Не в силах - нет сил - adds a negative, but it does really implies any force

Two together plus tears mean more like “I cannot hold my tears”, “it’s beyond my power to not to cry” (I don’t like this one in English )

Igeethecat    Субота, 26/05/2018 - 19:51

And you don’t have to say “Again and again” , in this context just “again” should be enough, I think. It’s up to your native English senses, really. We can bla-bla-bla about things here, but it is your decision to choose the right words for your translation

DanielZ    Субота, 26/05/2018 - 19:58

What a beautiful transformation of the lyrics into English. It sounds much, much better and smoother now. Thank you for the helpful linguistic tips and reminders! I really appreciate the time you took.

- Daniel

Igeethecat    Субота, 26/05/2018 - 20:09

Maybe it’s just my Russian mind, but I don’t understand why you English natives [not just you specifically] keep the square brackets? Just say what you feel, what feels right for you

petit élève    Субота, 26/05/2018 - 20:25

That is definitely your Russian mind. Or rather your Russian heart and soul Teeth smile

Igeethecat    Субота, 26/05/2018 - 20:28

Yeah, and yeah and yeah, but still why?

petit élève    Субота, 26/05/2018 - 20:32

I can only speak for myself, or maybe for some unknown fraction of French population, but I'd say letting people know what is mine and what belongs to the author seems important to me.
I don't always use brackets though. When I really like a song I do a serious effort of adaptation and the brackets become irrelevant since I rephrase most of the lyrics.

Igeethecat    Субота, 26/05/2018 - 19:35

In the tender light of dawn

Sounds very nice, but in Russian it is sunset, not sunrise

DanielZ    Субота, 26/05/2018 - 19:56

Silly how I confuse these two beautiful words. Thank you for the correction! Regular smile