Because I could not stop for Death (превод на руски)

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Because I could not stop for Death

 
Because I could not stop for Death -
He kindly stopped for me -
The Carriage held but just Ourselves -
And Immortality.
 
We slowly drove - He knew no haste
And I had put away
My labor and my leisure too,
For His Civility -
 
We passed the School, where Children strove
At Recess - in the Ring -
We passed the Fields of Gazing Grain -
We passed the Setting Sun -
 
Or rather - He passed Us -
The Dews drew quivering and Chill -
For only Gossamer, my Gown -
My Tippet - only Tulle -
 
We paused before a House that seemed
A Swelling of the Ground -
The Roof was scarcely visible -
The Cornice - in the Ground -
 
Since then - 'tis Centuries - and yet
Feels shorter than the Day
I first surmised the Horses' Heads
Were toward Eternity -
 
Поставио/ла: Valeriu Raut У: Субота, 30/04/2016 - 10:21
Коментари подносиоца:
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превод на руски

Потому что я не смогла остановить смерть

Верзије: #1#2
Потому что я не cмогла остановить Смерть -
Он любезно остановился для меня -
В карете были мы сами
И Бессмертие.
 
Мы медленно ехали - Он не знал спешки
И я вынуждена была отложить
Мою работу и отдых тоже
За его Вежливость.
 
Мы миновали школы где Дети состязались
На перерыве - в Кругу -
Мы миновали Поля Смотрящего Зерна -
Мы проехали Садящееся Солнце -
 
Или скорее - Оно миновало Нас -
Роса дрожала и Озноб -
Потому как из Паутины моё Платье -
Мой Капюшон - только Тюль -
 
Мы остановились перед Домом выглядящим
Холмом на Земле -
Крыша его едва видна -
Карниз в Земле -
 
С того времени - это столетия - но всёже
Чувствуется короче Дня
Я изначально предполагала что Головы Лошадей
Направлялись в Вечность -
 
Feedback is appreciated. If you like or dislike something, leave a note...
The objective is to further human understanding so my feeble attempts are not copyrighted.
Поставио/ла: BlackSea4ever У: Четвртак, 20/09/2018 - 02:23
Коментари аутора:

This is a literal translation unlike the poetic one I also published.

Коментари
Igeethecat    Субота, 22/09/2018 - 00:15

One more time: смерть в русском языке - женского рода

BlackSea4ever    Субота, 22/09/2018 - 00:34

Hence, the paradox, as this poem is about death being a gentleman.... Lol, read the links. I can always add my first version where Death is a she. Nowadays, it would be acceptable as well, no?
I am not religious, but I will be the first to admit that at the first sign of a problem, I ask for his/hers/their help. It is just a nice concept to believe there is a savior. Religions, I am vehemently against - this is politics, no? Pitting brothers against one another, choosing believers and infidels, starting wars for profit... Impossible to remove politics from thoughts - bad enough, discussions are stifled.

Igeethecat    Субота, 22/09/2018 - 01:18

It was just my 2 cents. Personally, I think that literal translation kills the original
Not what Putin or Trump can do, but enough damage on its own ;D

BlackSea4ever    Субота, 22/09/2018 - 01:38

Sorry to disagree, but I think if we strive to understand and translate the intent, or disagree on the intent and argue, or try to convey something of ourselves in the translation, then it does not kill the original - it gives it multiple paths to Eternity...lol.
No word of anyone here will live for centuries, but I bet Emily Dickinson poems will.

That said, Putins and Trumps actually kill.

Igeethecat    Субота, 22/09/2018 - 01:42

Yeah, sure but what the heck are «Поля Смотрящего Зерна»?

BlackSea4ever    Субота, 22/09/2018 - 02:03

Lol, general consensus and I read tons of it AFTER translating....
They pass "the fields of […] grain" and "the setting sun." When she describes the grain as "gazing" maybe she thinks the thicker tops of the grain resemble heads, or perhaps that the grain seems to stand still and just look at the carriage as it passes.

Personally, I visualized fields of sunflowers. Lol.

Igeethecat    Субота, 22/09/2018 - 02:12

To me it’s a circle of life: дети - зерно - закат