Спящий Эрот (Spyashchiy Erot) (превод на енглески)

Спящий Эрот

Ходя в рощице тенистой,
Видел там Эрота я.
На полянке роз душистой
Спал прекрасное дитя.
Сквозь приятный сон, умильный,
Смех сиял в лице его,
Будто яблочки наливны
Рделись щеки у него.
Почивая безоружным,
Снежной грудью он блестел,
По ветвям, над ним окружным,
Лук спущенный, тул висел.
Пчелы вкруг его летали,
Как на роз шумящий куст,
Капли меду собирали
С благовонных сладких уст.
В рощу грации вбежали
И, нашед Эрота в ней,
Потихоньку привязали
К красоте его своей.
Разбудя ж его, плясали
Средь цветочных с ним оков,
Неразлучны с тех пор стали, —
Где приятность, тут любовь.
Поставио/ла: Kevin RainbowKevin Rainbow У: Недеља, 16/05/2021 - 23:42
превод на енглескиенглески (equirhythmic, rhyming)
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Sleeping Eros

Walking in a shady shaw,
In a meadow roseperfumed
Eros suddenly I saw,
That fine youngling, as he sloomed.
Through his slumber sweet and fair
On his face was laughter's sheen.
As two little apples there
Richly reddened cheeks were seen.
Unarmed sleeping, he stretched out
Snowybreasted, glistening;
On some branches near about,
Loosened bow and quiver hung.
Round him bees their flight directed
To the rustling rose whose drips
Of rich honey they collected
From such sweet and fragrant lips.
Lo the Graces rushing in,
Having in that grove soon found him,
With all softness, with no din,
To their loveliness then bound him.
Rousing him, midst flowery chains
Round with him in dance they'd move.
To this day their bond remains:
Where there's pleasure, there is love.
thanked 5 times
Поставио/ла: Kevin RainbowKevin Rainbow У: Недеља, 16/05/2021 - 23:42
Dr_IgorDr_Igor    Понедељак, 17/05/2021 - 00:23

What is a "shaw"?
"полянкa" is not a meadow, it is a small clearing in the woods. A meadow is "луг" which is a relatively big field outside.
"roseperfumed" - is that a word? Grammarly does not think so. Also "душистой" means generally fragrant, not necessarily because of the roses.
"умильный" - the closest would probably be "endearing"
"Лук спущенный" probably means bow not under tension ( not ready to shoot)

In general - pretty impressive, stylistically - carries over the "feel" of a pretty archaic language of the original.

IgeethecatIgeethecat    Понедељак, 17/05/2021 - 00:38

Yah, right и где бы я увидела полянку роз, да ещё и душистой?
C'mon Igor

Kevin RainbowKevin Rainbow    Понедељак, 17/05/2021 - 07:25

Thanks Igor. I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts.

I agree about "meadow". Though, loosely speaking, I tend to think a "clearing" in the woods, in effect, is also still a meadow. "Glade" would be better. But I need a two syllable word (to fit the meter) and "clearing" is too plain/prosey. No one would usually use "clearing" in an artistic, poetic style.

Not sure what to say about Grammarly not "thinking" that the word "roseperfumed" exists. I'm sure that is true of thousands of unique words that artistic writers have come up with over the ages. Grammarly is more for grammar isn't it, not for restricting our vocabulary. No dictionary has every possible word - especially compound word - that you could possibly come up with!

Yes, "душистой" means generally fragrant, but roses are mentioned right along with it, so the context doesn't seem to suggest just any fragrance but a fragrance from the roses.

Would "loosened bow" be more accurate for "лук спущенный"?

(Sorry, I meant to include this earlier):

shaw = a little grove/wood/thicket.


IgeethecatIgeethecat    Уторак, 18/05/2021 - 00:12

Please,no glades- там крокодилы 😱

Dr_IgorDr_Igor    Понедељак, 17/05/2021 - 02:57

A general thought:
You have to consider what the first "natural" reader's reaction would be to a word that you choose be it a "legit" word or a word that you invented ( which I'm not shunning at all). A "barrier to entry" is typically higher for a "new" word.
If "glade" is too short, but better conveys the meaning, I would look for a one-syllable adjective to put in front of it...
More or less agree on "душистой" ...
> loosened bow? Probably. "Lowered" is just wrong

"shaw" is still a mystery to me. I understand that it is a rhyme for "saw"...

a general question: you must feel pretty "safe" about your Russian if you venture into the area of archaic Russian that a big part of modern
Russians would have difficulty understanding fully. Do you have a special fascination with "old" Russian? In other words, what's your goal?
If it is to perfect your Russian then I would advise against it...

IgeethecatIgeethecat    Уторак, 18/05/2021 - 00:20

Будто яблочки наливны
Рделись щеки у него.
Any ideas on these lines, master Igor?

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