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Солнце на блюдце (Solntse na blyudtse) (превод на енглески)

  • Извођач: Alisa (Russia) (Алиса)
  • Песма: Солнце на блюдце (Solntse na blyudtse) Албум: Пульс хранителя дверей лабиринта 2008
    1 превод
    енглески
Потребна провера
превод на енглескиенглески
/руски
A A

Sun on a Silver Platter

...йокоп - иинеживд в атнирибал йеревд ялетинарх сьлуП1
 
The shroud of twilight fog hangs over,
The path ahead lit up by the passing time,
How many trinkets are in your pocket,
And how many trinkets are in your heart.
Give me a bedtime story, one of fate,
[One] That pulls me into terror,
[One] That takes me into a dark place,
[One] That carries me through this world in your arms.
 
[Cary me to] Where there is light.
Where above us is a large sky,
And shinning over the world,
A ball of fire.
The first ray of which,
The Herald of Victory,
And when a spark touches down,
It does so in my palms.
 
Liquid sun in a silver platter,
Turning shadows into smoke,
I didn't have a second to look back,
At the gray mass he became.
Behind me a raging blizzard,
Dancing circles around me, the centuries go by.
And all I could touch, just barely,
Felt like snow
 
From what bloodlines does its shine comes from,
From what peaks does its love comes from,
And from what winds does its fire come from,
And should I be shielded from it or not?
 
Show me the faithful brotherhood of the night,
Who were blinded during the battle for brightness
Be their guide and lead them,
That's as it is written. The end.
 
[Cary me to]Where there is light.
Where above us is a large sky,
And shinning over the world,
A ball of fire.
The first ray of which,
The Herald of Victory,
And when a spark touches down,
It does so in my palms.
 
Liquid sun in a silver platter,
Turning shadows into smoke,
I didn't have a second to look back,
At the gray mass he became.
Behind me a raging blizzard,
Dancing circles around me, the centuries go by.
And all I could touch, just barely,
Felt like snow
 
  • 1. Пуль хранителя дверей лабиринта в движени - покой Translated : The bullets of the gate-keeper lay peacefully.
Хвала!

Open to suggestions to improve the translation

Поставио/ла: Vladimir4757Vladimir4757 У: Среда, 15/09/2021 - 19:26
Last edited by Vladimir4757Vladimir4757 on Уторак, 24/05/2022 - 15:58
Коментари аутора:

You're getting a story about this. I lied about the last one, but this time I promise you, you're getting a fun story. A gothic tale of sorts.

The author of translation requested proofreading.
It means that he/she will be happy to receive corrections, suggestions etc about the translation.
If you are proficient in both languages of the language pair, you are welcome to коментариши.

Солнце на блюдце (Solntse na blyudtse)

Коментари
PinchusPinchus    Петак, 17/09/2021 - 13:15

Мамусь, слабоват мой английский такое переводить, тем более, что я местами и русский текст не понимаю. Однако, в английском ошибок хватает, причем даже там, где все довольно понятно. Но лучше [@St. Sol]'а попросить помочь - он специалист по Алисе.

Бубенцы, думаю, взялись от "птицы-тройки". Что такое "принять на грудь" - все мы знаем. Но принять на грудь "бубенцы" - уже довольно загадочно.

IgeethecatIgeethecat    Петак, 17/09/2021 - 22:16

Спасибо и на том
А то ща как приму на грудь -- мало не покажется

IgeethecatIgeethecat    Петак, 17/09/2021 - 22:32

Ну да, это ж очевидно

PinchusPinchus    Петак, 17/09/2021 - 22:51

Ух ты, сколько синонимов!

Kevin RainbowKevin Rainbow    Петак, 17/09/2021 - 23:33

Definitely a liberal translation, I think.

Cytat:

Время отмечать пройденный путь

"Time to celebrate the path travelled" (?)

Not sure how you interpret this as "With only the light of time lighting the way"

Cytat:

" Искрой лёг
В мою ладонь."

Should be in the past tense (лёг), I believe.

As a spark touched down
In my palm"

Cytat:

From what bloodlines does its shine comes from,
From what peaks does its love comes from

Since it is used with "does", "comes" should be "come" in these lines.

PinchusPinchus    Петак, 17/09/2021 - 23:32

>"Time to celebrate the path travelled" (?)
А может быть "Time to mark the path travelled" (on the map, for example)?

Vladimir4757Vladimir4757    Понедељак, 20/09/2021 - 14:47

I'm going over your suggestions. I'm not ignoring y'all

Vladimir4757Vladimir4757    Понедељак, 20/09/2021 - 14:48

I'm glad to see a discussion over this song as I want to better translate it. I'll mark it for proofreading

Vladimir4757Vladimir4757    Понедељак, 20/09/2021 - 15:52

Alright I've gone over everyone's opinions and will begin to attempt a retranslation of the song. Alisa's lyrics can be quite challenging for me, but I try. I'm glad you have all given me feedback and I hope I can make this translation better

Vladimir4757Vladimir4757    Четвртак, 19/05/2022 - 13:22

I'm not proud of my translation for this song. I'm just not. I feel it was sloppy and not done right. I'm going over my translation again and seeing if I can improve it using your feedback and some hindsight.

IgeethecatIgeethecat    Недеља, 22/05/2022 - 03:52

Vlad, don't blame yourself, this song is challenging even for natives Regular smile
One more hint for you:
Наливное солнце --- there's no such a thing imho; наливное яблоко == спелое яблоко => отсюда метафора

Vladimir4757Vladimir4757    Уторак, 24/05/2022 - 14:30

Thanks Igee, I appreciate it. I think I've got something I'm proud of that I'll post around noon my time when I get a lunch break from work

Vladimir4757Vladimir4757    Среда, 29/06/2022 - 18:31

Eastern time. My mental health took a nose dive and I’m trying to get back on my feet

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