It's been a while since you last paid a visit to Yanka.
умирают -> why not simply "die"? Maybe you could use something like "vanish", but I don't think "evaporate" really implies the idea of death.
nailed up crisscross -> I don't think that works. I can't find anything shorter than "doors get boarded up with crosses"
И сохнут ключи в пустыне, а взрыв сотрясает сушу -> I understand that as "and springs dry up in the desert while an explosion shakes the (emerged lands)".
"dry away" sounds like the springs recede in the distance as they dry up.
A "blow" is hardly likely to shake the ground, except if it's a really mighty one
"tight soil" sounds like a technical term to me.
All in all I'd rather keep it simple :)
the walls that carry -> "the (load-)bearing walls" would sound more usual to me. I suppose it's a filler since the Russian aparently just says "walls"
serry -> that's extremely archaic. I might have read the word once ot twice, but I don't remember ever hearing it.
bein’ strangers -> why not "oblivious to their fears"? That would fit nicely, don't you think?
ровным клином -> I don't understand the metaphor. Is that about a blunt blade or something? I just can't picture a regiment marching in a "inane wedge" formation
погонам -> "5-0" as in "watch out for the cops"? I would have thought it was about epaulettes, as a metonymy for the Army or maybe an authoritarian government. Or is that some kind of slang?
завянет -> why not "wither"? More literal and same number of syllables
abide his own law -> that would be "abide by..." but that sounds a bit strange to me. "follow his own laws/rules"? "be his own master"?
a subject of folklore -> Folklore can be a subject of study or lecture, but a story that is part of folklore would rather be "a folk tale/folktale" or something like that.
you planned to don’t fear -> a point would make it a lot more readable. Or maybe "have no fear" to make it clearer it's a new sentence
there’s no one to punish -> that would mean "no one to be punished", while the Russian rather says "no one to punish you", right?
Today there’s nothing sacred -> maybe "from now on" ?