Зимняя песня (Zimnjaja pesnja) ( översättning till franska)

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Зимняя песня (Zimnjaja pesnja)

Ну так что же рассказать о зиме?
То она как серебро, то как медь.
Это холодно, когда без огня,
А кому-то холода без меня. [x2]
 
Синий вечер два окна стерегут,
В черной просеке две сказки живут,
И нанизано рожденье луны
На хрустальное копье тишины. [x2]
 
Ну так что же рассказать о зиме?
Поднял оттепель февраль на корме,
Выгибает облаков паруса,
И качаются в ночах полюса.
 
И восходит над дорогой звезда,
И уходят из Москвы поезда...
Зря сидишь ты по ночам у огня -
Не согреет он тебя без меня. [x2]
 
Inskickad av SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat Sön, 16/06/2019 - 22:18
Senast ändrad av SchnurrbratSchnurrbrat Tis, 25/06/2019 - 01:50
Anmärkning:

1961.

översättning till franska franska (likrytmisk, fri, rimmar)
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Chanson d'hiver

Que dirais-je donc de l'hiver changeant ?
Il est tantôt cuivre et tantôt argent.
Et, si loin de l'âtre règne le froid,
Quelqu'un a plus froid encore, sans moi.
 
Deux fenêtres gardent le bleu du soir,
Dans le bois sombre coulent deux histoires,
Et la lune point sans bruit, transpercée
Par une lance de cristal glacée.
 
Alors que dirais-je donc de l'hiver ?
Février se radoucit sur la mer.
Les nuages pâles cambrent leurs voiles
Incertaines dans la nuit boréale.
 
Une étoile brille sur le chemin,
A Moscou déjà s'ébranlent les trains...
Tu songes au coin du feu qui rougeoie,
Il ne te réchauffera pas, sans moi.
 
Говорят: в конце концов правда восторжествует, но это неправда. (А. П. Чехов)
Inskickad av JadisJadis Lör, 19/10/2019 - 13:56
Fler översättningar av "Зимняя песня ..."
franska P, E, RJadis
Kommentarer
BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    Lör, 19/10/2019 - 14:44

[@silenced], common, Pierre, find anything to criticize, please...
And, Ph, your coping has paid off - it is very pretty.

silencedsilenced    Lör, 19/10/2019 - 14:53

Not a thing. This is quite elegant rhyming French, and very faithful to the Russian despite the numerous constraints of rhymes and rhythm.

BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    Lör, 19/10/2019 - 15:23

Would you accept it as my nomination for your collection ILO of Trevi?

JadisJadis    Lör, 19/10/2019 - 15:25

But wait a moment, if полюса качаются, then I'll have to make some amendment....

silencedsilenced    Lör, 19/10/2019 - 15:27

Ah oui, je me suis fait avoir aussi. Ça paraissait logique pourtant que ce soient toujours des voiles Regular smile

BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    Lör, 19/10/2019 - 15:32

It was not sails. It is the boat that sways. If you look at stars, it seems as they also do. I think "poles" were worked in as the reference to the two people coming together and moving apart.

JadisJadis    Lör, 19/10/2019 - 15:54

Oh well, anyway I changed the verb "faseyer" (which is a little technical) for "incertaines", so one can understand what one wishes... Regular smile
I found it a little weird that a Russian singer would say something about "poles". North Pole, Bering Strait, OK, but South Pole ? Also a compass usually indicates the North, even if you can infere where is the Southern direction... This was only for the rhyme, I guess.
And in only 10 syllables I can't explain the metaphor of poles meaning people... even if trying hard. Regular smile
 

BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    Lör, 19/10/2019 - 16:08

I like that Pierre LIKES your answer, but I was answering him and not asking you to to fit anything of my explanation into your intended 10 syllables.

silencedsilenced    Lör, 19/10/2019 - 16:11

Still that was a good explanation, quite useful for a translator.

JadisJadis    Mån, 21/10/2019 - 07:43

BTW, when will you correct this one ? (and I didn't say "erase", I said "correct"). I have a memory like an elephant.
 

BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    Mån, 21/10/2019 - 08:38

I periodically try, but it already looks perfect to me. 😊
maybe, possibly, you can accept my version - you know sing (to my translation) "I love you just the way you are" 😴

JadisJadis    Mån, 21/10/2019 - 08:49

Nope. I told you in my comments what was wrong. It shoudn't be difficult to amend it - only a few words.

BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    Mån, 21/10/2019 - 09:02

See, you can't accept us. Lol. I shall endeavor. Hmm. I had a most original thought about it - I won't change it so you talk to me periodically about doing it. 😎

JadisJadis    Mån, 21/10/2019 - 09:04

If you insist, I'll have to make my own translation, and that will be your punishment, for sure.

BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    Mån, 21/10/2019 - 09:27

All, well short of one, your poems, songs, and translations are pure joy. If mine is that bothersome, please go ahead - it will not feel as punishment. Of course, I prefer you keep reminding me to fix it. Lol.

JadisJadis    Mån, 21/10/2019 - 11:17

Oh, you got it, so everybody will know how you left me struggling in the throes of Russian syntax, and refused me a helping hand. Tongue smile
 

BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    Mån, 21/10/2019 - 11:21

You confuse me with someone else - I never refused you. Lol

silencedsilenced    Lör, 19/10/2019 - 15:29

You are allowed three songs, so you still have two available. Just don't forget a little comment to go along with it.