Gönül Yarası ( översättning till engelska)

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Korrekturläsning önskas
översättning till engelska engelska
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Heartache

Inns are wasted, roads are wretched
I'm thirsty, came to drink from your hands
I've got a secret for lover, came to tell
Neither a voice nor bulbul left
Where is blossoming rose in lover's garden?
My secret caught flame, came to burn
That's heartache, what part of word is this?
I fall over your doorstep, came to be quiet
That's heartache, cure is forgetting
 
I got tired, came to fall at your door
I didn't use to sigh, but you became reason to do
I had no God but you became my monastery
What kind of hell are you, I came to burn
Don't you have cure for my trouble
Is it ok to leave world in tyrants' hands
Is it ok to leave world in tyrants' hands
That's heartache, what part of word is this?
I fall over your doorstep, came to be quiet
That's heartache, cure is forgetting
I'm ready, came to give up my life
 
Inskickad av TulparTulpar Sön, 20/10/2019 - 10:13
Added in reply to request by Super GirlSuper Girl
Senast ändrad av TulparTulpar Mån, 21/10/2019 - 15:51
Anmärkning:

It's kinda hard to translate since it's about sufism. Let me know your corrections and suggestions

Den som skrev översättningen har anhållit om korrekturläsning.
Det innebär att vederbörande gärna emottager rättelser, förslag etc. angående översättningen.
Den som är kunnig i båda språken får gärna kommentera.
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Kommentarer
BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    Sön, 20/10/2019 - 10:33

Your language skills need work before you publish. I'm not listing all the missing articles - I make this mistake myself, but almost every line has problems. I listed some you may want to correct:
- typo? what word did you mean by "wated"?
- roads are wretchED
- came to drink by your hands -- did you mean FROM your hands?
- My secret got flaming -- what did you mean?
- what did you mean: I had no 'alas!' but you became my 'alas!'

TulparTulpar    Mån, 21/10/2019 - 15:47

Firstly, thanks for all these corrections.
*it's actually 'wasted', letter mistake Regular smile
*Is -ed really necassary?
*In this sentence, 'by' doesn't give same meaning with from? Anyway I've changed it, too
*I was not sure about it but writing "catch fire" will be more appropriate.
*I have no idea how to translate this. Here, 'eyvah' is an exclamation and means 'alas'. In Turkish, we can use them as proper nouns. Here it's more likely "I didn't use to sigh, but you became a reason to do". For now I'm changing with this.

BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    Sön, 20/10/2019 - 10:39

you may ask other users or editors to make improvements - like [@atheros]
Good luck

TulparTulpar    Mån, 21/10/2019 - 15:53

I've sent a proofreading request. Thanks for your concern