• TV's Kyle

    All I Want for Christmas Is Stuff

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All I Want for Christmas Is Stuff

I know it's kinda meta for me to write a song
'Bout writing Christmas songs, but bear with me if you could
All you need to do is start with "All I want for Christmas"
And then add something weird and then you should be good
I know to write this way is very formula
But the thing 'bout formula is that it usually works
It's guaranteed success, and after hearing this,
You should all follow suit and then we'll all enjoy the perks
 
All I want for Christmas is a bag of explosive kittens
All I want for Christmas is a pair of living mittens
All I want for Christmas is a microwave noogie
All I want for Christmas is a big, expensive cookie
All I want for Christmas is a bumblebee toupée
All I want for Christmas is a cast-iron soufflé
All I want for Christmas is a Paul F. Tompkins mask
All I want for Christmas is some Kool-Aid in my flask
 
Yeah, I know I'm totally cheatin' when it comes to comedy
Because anyone can do this and it isn't even challenging
But I've been writin' holiday songs every single year
For the past 11 years, and they really can't all be gems
Want you all to just relax and spend your reservations
That I may or may not be takin' the easiest route
I'm sayin' likely words following "All I want for Christmas"
And I'd like you all to please accept that that's what this song's aboot
 
All I want for Christmas is a razor burn parade
All I want for Christmas is a glass of melonade
All I want for Christmas is a regional dialect
All I want for Christmas is a lycanthrope architect
All I want for Christmas is a healthier public option
All I want for Christmas is to have some earlobe work done
All I want for Christmas is an iPod Taste
All I want for Christmas is the entire Caribbean race 1
 
I know I'm gonna get hammered by you armchair critics
But remember, that's ignoring the entire spirit of Christmas
If you can't let yourself enjoy some stupid white boy rhymes
Then I feel bad for you that you're too smart to have a good time
Life is full of stress and tests, so let this be an exception
Laugh at my goofy words instead of typing a rejection
Have a happy holiday from TV's Kyle to you
While on your way to Grandma's house, you should make up a few
 
All I want for Christmas is The Alvin Show on Blu-ray
All I want for Christmas is my very own Captain Janeway
All I want for Christmas is a polyester lotus tree
All I want for Christmas is for Paul and Storm to notice me
All I want for Christmas is a roadkill hoagie
All I want for Christmas is a vintage Flowbee
All I want for Christmas is a year of good hair days
All I want for Christmas is some radio airplay
 
  • 1. Singer pronounces [kərɪni:ən]. Likely mispronunciation.

 

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