Jayla, allow me a couple suggestions:
The second verse should be, "I would like/want..." to go with the startng "if"
Fifth verse- "Al más allá", "el más allá" is the eternity, "el otro mundo", not 'far away'.
Chorus-"Me dormire". Direct translation, "I will sleep/fall sleep". He is talking about death, not about 'going to bed'.
Where yuo say 'your eye', what about 'your glances?

I hope you find this helpful.