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Aedificia Caelorum

Gaudium faciebus eorum perfringe
Lusus eorum non amplius perfectus est
 
Enutri iram venas meas capens
Iracundiam intra me exhortare
 
Velut bothynus qui nulla fortuna portat
 
Da risum tuum excusationem praefulgere,
Non loquere, non tenta
Tuum halitum quia subito tene
Pedes nostros aqua circumvenit
 
Hostes affige
Et incebillitatem eas
 
Te audeo rebellare
 
Millia milites me obtuentur
Iracundiam intra me exhortare
 
Velut bothynus qui nulla fortuna portat
 
Da risum tuum excusatio praefulgere,
Non loquere, non tenta
Tuum halitum quia subito tene
Pedes nostros aqua circumvenit
 
Non sinam hoc desinere,
Memet promisi
Exitium hoc manibus meis dirumpam
Voluntas meas detoquere est
Spiritus noster in praeterito
Multum maior quam haec gehenna meret
 
Da risum tuum excusatio praefulgere,
Non loquere, non tenta
Tuum halitum quia subito tene
Pedes nostros aqua circumvenit
 
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SlyzderSlyzder    Çarş, 05/02/2014 - 15:17
Vote has been deleted.

Hello,

as I can decern it your Latin really must have improved ;) .
But there are a few points to discuss:
- "enutri", I never heard of this verb nor could I find it in any dictionary
- it must be "excusationem", it is accusative :)
- "incebillitates", I also could not find this word however if it's right I'd propose one thing: better use "incebillitatem" because in Latin abstract nouns are not declined in the plural, they're uncountable :) - and the English text doesn't mean many different weaknesses by the enemies but rather their weakness as an abstract term
- I'd probably take another noun than "spiritus" if in the English text a ghost is meant, the ghost of the dead, I'd propose "larva", "umbra", well these are really scary words o.O - but on the other hand if it actually means the ghost, the mind of a person, although this sense is rare, you're completely right with "spiritus" :)
- I think it should be "venas meas capens", like "Feed the anger by taking my veins / while taking my veins"

You may notice, this critique is on a very high level, I must say you really delivered us a very good translation :) !

Trent AndersonTrent Anderson
   Perş, 06/02/2014 - 00:13

Well, entrui is the imperative of entruire, meaning to feed, nurture, or care. Thank you for the rest, though.

SlyzderSlyzder    Perş, 06/02/2014 - 07:03

I know found it as well :) . But one suggestion I still have, namely to change "eas" after "incebillitatem" into "eorum" ;) !