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Встреча (Vstrecha) (İngilizce çevirisi)

  • Sanatçı Adı: Yulia Arkhitektorova (Юлия Архитекторова)
  • Şarkı: Встреча (Vstrecha)
    2 çeviri
    İngilizce #1, #2
  • Çeviriler: İngilizce #1, #2

Встреча

Я полутемный помню зал,
И в этой полутьме
Ты мне ни слова не сказал -
Лишь сделал шаг ко мне.
 
А дальше было, как в кино:
Слепяще-яркий свет,
И за плечом твоим окно
И тонкий силуэт...
 
Она спиною к нам с тобой
Стояла у окна.
Но, Боже мой, но, Боже мой,
Как вздрогнула она!
 
Julia_ArkhitektorovaJulia_Arkhitektorova tarafından 2021-04-26 tarihinde eklendi.
İngilizce çevirisiİngilizce (ölçülü, şiirsel, kafiyeli)
Paragrafları hizala

An encounter

Versiyonlar: #1#2
I do remember that dark hall
'twas difficult to see
Not saying anything at all
You took a step towards me
 
'twas like a movie that I knew,
The beaming blinding light,
A window behind you,
A figure thin and slight.
 
She stood there with her back to us,
There - in the window frame,
And God, forgive me if I cuss,
She shook as if aflame.
 
Teşekkür Et!
4 teşekkür aldı
Bu bir şiirsel çeviridir - Sözlerin anlamında sapmalar olabilir (eklenmiş kelimeler, eklenmiş veya çıkarılmış bilgiler, birbiri yerine kullanılmış kavramlar gibi).
Dr_IgorDr_Igor tarafından 2021-05-09 tarihinde eklendi.
Yorumlar
Dr_IgorDr_Igor    Pzr, 09/05/2021 - 16:07

Happy Mother's Day, Jules! [@Julia_Arkhitektorova]
I was happy to find out from that interview, that you're a mother of three.
There's nothing I respect more, nothing. I have two kids, I wish I had four.

Про "нее злодейку"- интерпретация.
Четa последняя строка в ритм не ложится - без видимой причины.
Попробуй ты на зубок

Julia_ArkhitektorovaJulia_Arkhitektorova    Pzr, 09/05/2021 - 16:20

Спасибо, Игорь. Ритмически все складно.
'twas very hard to see - не слишком ли темно для полутьмы? )

Dr_IgorDr_Igor    Pzr, 09/05/2021 - 16:32
Julia_Arkhitektorova diyor ki:

'twas very hard to see - не слишком ли темно для полутьмы? )

Да. наверное, темновато малька. Почешу репу.

Dr_IgorDr_Igor    Pzr, 09/05/2021 - 16:53

Немного свету добавил. Поищу еще свечей.

BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    Pzr, 09/05/2021 - 16:25

I have ONE kid... omg, to think there could have been multiples of him! Lol. Kidding. He made me crazy (for years, but now, he is a model human. I’m still crazy...)

I’m not keen on “she was no-good.” — imho, you can find an alternative, no?

Dr_IgorDr_Igor    Pzr, 09/05/2021 - 16:33
BlackSea4ever diyor ki:

I’m not keen on “she was no-good.” — imho, you can find an alternative, no?

Suggestions? And a brilliant use of "imho" - you're getting better...

BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    Pzr, 09/05/2021 - 16:48

I’m a fast learner... you know I cannot do your meter, rhythm, whatever...

Dr_IgorDr_Igor    Pzr, 09/05/2021 - 16:43
BlackSea4ever diyor ki:

I cannot do your meter, rhythm, whatever...

Oh yes you can - not trying hard enough - I told you more than once
Give me a rhyme instead of "no-good" that'll likely have a chance...

BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    Pzr, 09/05/2021 - 16:49

Но, Боже мой, но, Боже мой, — but, my dear god, but my god, look
Как вздрогнула она! — look how her shoulders shook

Dr_IgorDr_Igor    Pzr, 09/05/2021 - 16:58

Not bad. Told ya.
Но рифмы тут перекрестные - "no-good" рифмуется с "stood" из второй строки.
But keep digging, nothing's carved in stone. And I don't particularly like that"cuss"

sandringsandring    Pzr, 09/05/2021 - 16:56

А если так, Игорь?
And there, with her back to us
She stood right by the window
And God forgive me if I cuss
She shuddered, trembled so

Dr_IgorDr_Igor    Pzr, 09/05/2021 - 17:04

Неплохо, Надя. Но - лишний слог во второй и ударение.

Ди, a что тебе в "no-good" не нравится?

Dr_IgorDr_Igor    Pzr, 09/05/2021 - 17:20

Вариант со смежными рифмами и использованием идей Дианы и Нади

And there, with her back to us
She stood by window glass
But, God, my dear God, just look
How violently she shook

BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    Pzr, 09/05/2021 - 17:25

And there, with her back to us,
Reflecting in the window’s glass
?

BlackSea4everBlackSea4ever    Pzr, 09/05/2021 - 17:21

I guess, it depends who is standing by the window? Wife?

Dr_IgorDr_Igor    Pzr, 09/05/2021 - 17:28

A matter of imagination and interpretation. She definitely is not a friend of the author's.

Dr_IgorDr_Igor    Pzr, 09/05/2021 - 17:45

Variant 2

She stood there with her back to us
There - in the window frame
And God, forgive me if I cuss
She shook as if aflame

Dr_IgorDr_Igor    Pzr, 09/05/2021 - 18:08

Variant 3

She stood there with her back to us,
There - in the window frame,
But God, but God, it was a pass,
She shook as if aflame

"pass" has a million possible meanings including "a bad or difficult situation or state of affairs"
which fits like a glove

Dr_IgorDr_Igor    Pzr, 09/05/2021 - 18:16

She shook as if she was aflame.
Некоторые трясутся, когда они aflame. Ди, присуждаю тебе переходящий приз "IMHO-user of the month" - keep it up.

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