Hello Hawthorn,
Excellent!
Just some ideas if you agree :
You should try "The Desire to Love (final)" as the title. (Don't forget to put "The") You'll be ranked higher. 😉

Some "that" aren't necessary to the good understanding of the song;
For example, "So that the love that we will manage to give each other gives us the desire to love" could also be written as "Thus, the love we'll be able to give each other gives us the desire to love". It works the same, but it's delighter for the ear.
In addition, it's a phrase that's declined in several versions throughout the song. Therefore, this " that " becomes very repetitive and "heavy" the text.
Therefore, it must be removed whenever possible and left only when it's impossible to do otherwise.
In some songs, this effect can be voluntary. It's, for example, the case in my translation of "L'envie" the Johnny Hallyday's song.
Because in the original French text, the "que" or the "qu'on" are part of the meaning of the words. They support the "order" (in the sense of "giving an order to someone"), the narrator's desire to see his will come true. He gives an order.
But here, in this song, it's not the case.

For "It's so easy
To believe in it
But still
So everything"
I think: "It's so easy to believe in it, but so much everything, nevertheless" is more appropriate.

Well, no matter, good job in all cases, dude!