I think that for people, neither of whom is a native speaker of Russian (nor English if I may guess) you all have done a great job. The last thing I want is to be critical of such an amount of effort, but there are minor things in the English translation that either do not reflect the actual meaning or just don't make sense in English.

For example, "down the rainbow, taking with them my love". "с собой" means "with me", not with them (there's no them in the song anyway). Also, down the rainbow is not the actual meaning. "Мимо" means to miss (as in when aiming), so "Мимо радуги вниз" should be translated as "I'm falling down (= вниз, which is only "down" but in Russian certain things (like verbs) can be omitted, the meaning will still be clear) and "I've missed the rainbow" (= Мимо радуги. Whether it's because the artist didn't manage to hold on to the rainbow while falling down to stop/ slow down the fall or whether it's a reference to the pot of gold at the other end of the rainbow is unclear). Down the rainbow would be "По радуге вниз" and would have a general favourable connotation of happiness and good luck, while missing the rainbow is bad luck in pretty much any culture and language.

In the same stanza "I wished that it will come true" is translated well, but should be "I dreamt/ wished it would some true" in correct English. "Я так просила и верила" is not "I asked and believed" (this does not make sense in English), but "I hoped (it would come true)". If anyone is interested, I could explain, otherwise I'll just say that it's a minor difference in meaning and usage of English verbs "to ask" and "to believe" as compared to Russian ones.

About the arrow now. In Russian the relationship between the subject and the object is expressed through cases while in English - through word order. So the sentence "Сердце будет греть Тонкая стрела" should be translated the other way round: The thin arrow will warm up my heart (in the current translation it's the heart that warms the arrow). Further we have " Села - не достать, Ведь ты сломал наконечник". "Села - не достать" does not imply instructions to not pull the arrow out. For all you can gather from the song, the artist might want to get rid of it, but can't. "не достать" is the infinitive, not the imperative. The actual meaning is "(the arrow) is settled and can't be pulled out (because you broke off the tip)"

Now "Спит мой кукловод, Спит и видит в снах Розовых слонов." While in Russian you "see in your dreams", in English you "dream about". There meaning is the same, but in correct English this should be translated as "My puppeteers is sleeping And dreaming about Pink elephants".

Again, I'm sorry if I seem overly critical, I just wanted to correct the obvious mistakes which should make the translation easier to understand for people who do not speak Russian at all and so can't rely on the original lyrics for help/ explanation. There are some minor things there as well, but as I said, newEgypt and Co have done a great job and I don't want to find faults.