sohowrubuddy
Wed, 11/10/2017 - 20:19
У меня просто нет слов, отличнейший перевод! Браво!
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Translation
A Distinct Reason
By glowering twisted lips
Moles having rubbed their eyelids
Now see the plantlet's dissent
Across the short-sighted eyes
No more believing in cries
Moves the conveyor of sand
Until the hand halts its tremble
The knuckles shake at a temple
And calls the angled thick plank
And I am at the peep-hole
Under the thumb of plafond
Either1 it was an egg first
Or it had been a bad curse
My face is turning towards
A nightmare boggled the dream
A newborn mason–I sing
Right in unison with him
The flying wind's rudely scorched
The far rocks' tops it approached
And here it's stroking the lawn
There's a distinct reason shown
Watched by the Special Bureau
That's just what prison is for
There's a distinct reason for
The escort trickled through the flaws
Will seal the windows with straw
Then to the slaughter we'll go
A hero will cross himself 2
The open order will step
Ahead guys, into the breach!
Then will go west the foe troops
Who did not put on high boots
Who did not part with themselves
Who have not yet killed themselves
And to the slaughter they'll go
Watched by the Special Bureau
That's just what prison is for
There's a distinct reason for
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Please help to translate "Особый резон"
Collections with "Особый резон"
| 1. | Do Russians want a war? |
Yanka Dyagileva: Top 3
| 1. | Печаль моя светла (Pechalʹ moya svetla) |
| 2. | На чёрный день (Na chyornyy denʹ) |
| 3. | Нюркина Песня (Nyurkina Pesnya) |
Idioms from "Особый резон"
| 1. | make the (sign of the) cross |
| 2. | быть (у кого-л.) под каблуком |
Comments
sohowrubuddy
Wed, 11/10/2017 - 20:19
Brat
Mon, 06/05/2019 - 18:49
I heard Yanka's lyrics belong to some European company now, is it true?
Имущественные авторские права на все произведения Янки в настоящее время принадлежат её подруге Анне Волковой. https://ru.wikipedia.org/wiki/%D0%94%D1%8F%D0%B3%D0%B8%D0%BB%D0%B5%D0%B2...
Ну разве что Нюрыч теперь является европейской компанией, но это навряд ли...
Schnurrbrat
Mon, 06/05/2019 - 18:51
Schnurrbrat
Mon, 06/05/2019 - 19:16
Igeethecat
Mon, 06/05/2019 - 17:12
42 останется 42, нас шнурками для bro не запугать :D
Brat
Mon, 06/05/2019 - 19:32
Да, кстати, буквально недавно в России вышла новая книга Янкиных стихов (некоторые из которых публикуются впервые), так что европейский копирайт нам пока не грозит. :)
Phil Ambro
Mon, 06/05/2019 - 20:23
I'm assuming you're trying to do a rhyming translation, so just a few suggestions to help keep the cadence and rhyme:
By the MALIGNED twisted lips
MOLES WHO RUB their (BLIND) EYES' lids. (You have to add "eye" to lid, otherwise it's a lid of a jar or something).
(What is a "plantlet"?)
("Misstep" is generally used when your feet make a mistake and you trip. "Mistake" is better here.)
Creeps the DUNE ACROSS THE sand
Until remembers the hand >> (Makes no sense.)
And summons the BEVELLED plank
(What is a "plafond"?)
Either it was THE egg first
Or HAD IT been a bad curse?
A nightmare boggled IN the dream
A newborn mason, so (????), >>> ("prim" is wrong. It means nothing. "prim and proper" is the only way we use this word now.)
A VIOLENT WIND rudely scorched
And here it's HITTING the lawn
THE CONTROL OF THE Special Bureau
That's what the Supermax IS for
The escort trickled through the flaws >>> (Makes no sense)
WE'LL seal the windows WITH straw
The hero will FOOL himself >>> (I assume you mean "to double cross". It's not possible "to cross" yourself. That means "to meet".)
The open order will step AHEAD
guys, into the breach!
GOING west, the FOE'S troops
Who DIDN'T put on THEIR high boots
Who did not part with themselves >>> (Makes no sense. You cannot "leave yourself". It's impossible.)
Controlled by THE Special Bureau
Pinchus Schnurrbrat
Mon, 06/05/2019 - 20:44
Phil Ambro
Mon, 06/05/2019 - 20:58
Well, if it's a "conveyor" it makes even less sense. Conveyors transport things but they don't move. So a conveyor cannot "creep".
As for all of these special words that Russians find somewhere (perhaps in one of Shakespeare's plays), I can only say that perhaps these are real English words. However, IMHO the purpose of a translation is to be understood. "Finding" obscure, obsolete words in some dusty dictionary doesn't aid in understanding at all, especially if it's a British dictionary, which they NEVER revise and/or mark words as "no longer used", like American dictionaries do. British dictionaries just keep adding words, never eliminate any, even though the language changed.
You can still find British verb dictionaries that will tell you to conjugate " I & we" with "should" and "shall" rather than "would" and "will", even though this has gone obsolete more than 100 years ago.
Not meaning to harp on this, but these words (even if they once existed) are so uncommon today that I doubt than 90+% of people in the USA would have any idea as to what they mean. The word VOLANT, for example, must come from French ("to fly"). But, it's still uncommon. Perhaps the British will know what it means, after all they are close to France. However, we Americans are sooooo far away from Europe that some of these British foreign adoptions into their version of English have never crossed the Atlantic ocean and made it to us.
Phil Ambro
Mon, 06/05/2019 - 21:29
OK. I understand. So if the translator wishes to use "conveyor" he must identify "what" the conveyor is moving. Many times Russians instinctively understand the object in the sentence, although it is not said. Unless it is universally understood, Russians MUST identify the object to foreigners (whose culture may not understand the missing object). In this case to say.
"The conveyor creeps across the sand" makes no sense.
Perhaps the Russian missing object is some people?!
Then it should be "The conveyor creeps (the people) across the sand."
However Brat wishes to correct this is his decision, but this line NEEDS correcting!
As for VOLANT, I would like to point out that up to this point there is NO reference to birds or wings or anything like that, so it's a huge leap to expect that English speakers are going to understand this obscure term. I agree that you can use exotic terms, once a theme is set.
Ex: I fly as if on wings of the phoenix, volant to netherworlds unknown.
I just made that up. But, the reader would obviously understand the obscure term within the context of the rest of the sentence. To talk about enemies and foes and the Secret Service, then to reference a French term for "flight" does not make for clear understanding.
Phil Ambro
Mon, 06/05/2019 - 21:04
As for "prim". He's a prim and proper gentleman. This is the ONLY way I have EVER heard it used. I myself, would NEVER use the word PRIM. Quite frankly, when someone says "prim and proper" is really just means "proper" and the word "prim" has no additional meaning, other than to add stress. It's redundant. It's like saying "I'm angry and mad." But, unlike "prim", both "angry" and "mad" are still in wide use today.
About translator
Having browsed through my old drafts I decided to simplify my translation a little bit, though no great amendments were made.