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joonas07 on 2020-05-13
Icey joonas07 on 2020-06-17Icey
Sat, 23/05/2020 - 21:08
The source lyrics have been updated. Please review your translation.
Kas oled see, keda otsinud olen ma vaid > Kas sa oled see, keda otsinud olen ma vaid?
Küll siin olla põhjus su sünnimõte see nüüd on > On mul siin olla põhjus, kas mu sünnimõte see nüüd on?
Ma olin teisiti kui teised > Olin teisiti kui teised
Olen siin see valge maa > Olen siin sel valel maal
Missing lines added.
AndSeabra
Sat, 13/06/2020 - 02:45
Hello,
Some lines don't sound quite right. May you please verify whether the following corrections are accurate?
See hetk on käes, ei sihti näe – Kas hetk on käes? Ei sihti näe
Mis lõpuks teada soov – Kas lõpuks teada suund?
Olen siin sel valel maal – Olen siin sel kaugel maal
Sinuni jõuan ja sind ma – Sinuni jõuan ja sind ta on
Oodanud ma – Oodanud vaid
(Oodanud ma) – (Oodanud vaid)
joonas07
Sat, 13/06/2020 - 15:38
Listened once more:
On mul siin olla põhjus, kas mu sünnimõte see nüüd on? – On mul siin olla põhjus, kas mu sünni mõte see nüüd on?
See hetk on käes, ei sihti näe – Kas see hetk on käes? Ei sihti näe
Mis lõpuks teada soov – Kas lõpuks teada suund(?) ?
Olen siin sel valel maal -– Olen siin sel ?? maal
Sinuni jõuan ja sind ma – Sinuni jõuab ja sind ta on
Oodanud ma – Oodanud vaid
(Oodanud ma) – (Oodanud vaid)
Elsa: Näita end – Elsa: Oo, näita end
(Iduna: Siin)
Not sure about the 3rd and 4th lines. They didn't sound right indeed but I couldn't make anything more out of them.
The last word of the 3rd line kind of sounds like it might be 'suund' but I am not sure.
She might be pronouncing the word 'suund' colloquially or dialectally (I don't know where exactly is she from), where close vowels are opened a bit (u to o; i to e).
AndSeabra
Sat, 13/06/2020 - 17:50
Kas see hetk on käes? - Isn't that "see" unnecessary? It could simply be translated as "is the moment at hand", right? It could be just the general moment of her finding the answer.
As to "suund", I still hear a more closed /u/ sound rather than that /o/ sound you've just mentioned. Perhaps only a tad more open than normal and it could be this colloquial/dialectal influence. However, they wanted it to rhyme, I hope.
Anyway, I'm pretty sure it is "suund" because of the very clearly pronounced /d̥/ towards the end of the verse.
As to "sel ?? maal", I'm also certain it's "sel kaugel maal" (in/on this faraway land) and it'd make sense once you compare this line to the original version.
By the way, yeah, "jõuab" in lieu of "jõuan" is way more suitable and sounds more like it. Thanks for the correction there.
joonas07
Sat, 13/06/2020 - 19:55
For 'suund' and 'sel ?? maal', I don't clearly hear her singing those. As I said, it could be it, but I am not sure. We can only make assumptions. I guess they could be present in the lyrics, but in that case I think they should be marked with a question mark of some sort.
As for the line 'Kas see hetk on käes?', I didn't really understand what you meant there. I definitely hear her singing the word 'see'
AndSeabra
Sat, 13/06/2020 - 20:15
That's right. If you, as a native, don't clearly hear those words, they should be followed by question marks.
Honestly, I don't hear any "see" there... just "kas hetk on kães?", but I guess we can really only make assumptions based on our own hearing abilities at this point :/
Pääsuke
Wed, 17/06/2020 - 07:49
[@Icey], most of my suggestions are echoing what has already been said, but here they are.
Kas sa oled see, keda otsinud olen ma vaid? -> Kas oled see, keda otsinud olen ma vaid? Not sure about this, but the "sa" might be omitted.
See hetk on käes, ei sihti näe -> Kas see hetk on käes? Ei sihti näe
Kas lõpuks teada soov -> Kas lõpuks teada suund (I have to agree with the above suggestions that this might be the most likely candidate).
Pretty sure these suggested forms are correct, [@XxTiagoxX] and the lyrics can be edited accordingly:
Olen siin sel valel maal -> Olen siin sel kaugel maal
Sinuni jõuan ja sind ma -> Sinuni jõuab ja sind ta on (as Joonas suggested)
Oodanud ma -> Oodanud vaid (as Joonas suggested)
Back to you, [@joonas07].
EDIT 17.06.2020: corrected some typos.
Pääsuke
Wed, 17/06/2020 - 07:48
I only meant that the three lines that were after the colon should be corrected, I was not sure about the rest of the lines. I reverted the changes and only added those lines we were sure about plus the line "Kas lõpuks teada suund". Sorry if I did not make myself clear about what was supposed to be edited. So, to repeat, I edited these parts:
Olen siin sel valel maal -> Olen siin sel kaugel maal
Sinuni jõuan ja sind ma -> Sinuni jõuab ja sind ta (as Joonas suggested)
Oodanud ma -> Oodanud vaid (as Joonas suggested)
And also "Kas lõpuks teada suund?", the last line of the fourth verse.
So basically, you do not have to do anything now at the moment. If it's okay, I can make the other changes once we agree on them.
Also I just noticed I had some typos in my suggested corrections, very sorry about that. But I corrected everything and edited the lyrics accordingly.
joonas07
Wed, 17/06/2020 - 10:46
I'm mostly fine with the edited lyrics, however I think that
See hetk on käes, ei sihti näe -> Kas see hetk on käes? Ei sihti näe
I definitely hear a word before 'see', I hear an s sound, so it's either 'kas or 'mis'. 'Kas' would make more sense though, not only grammatically, but also when compared to the original lyrics.
Rujix
Revision #05