You looked me in the eyes and told me lies
with the same voice that once held me through storms.
How could your lips hold truth and poison?
How could your arms feel safe and yet be gone?
You painted dreams with the softest hands.
Built a world I believed was real.
But behind every smile was a blade in the dark.
And I bled in silence, afraid to feel.
And now I'm drowning in your shadow.
Drunk on memories I didn't ask for.
You burned my soul but left the candle lit.
And I'm the fool still knocking at your door.
I hate you, God. I hate you so for the way you left.
For the lies you told, but I still love you like fire loves air,
consuming me though you're not there.
You broke me down, tore me in.
I hate you, but I still love you.
I see your ghost in the quiet rain.
Hear your laugh in every song I play.
Even my tears speak your name.
Like a prayer I can't stop. Even when I pray,
you made a home inside my chest, then set fire to every wall.
You taught me love, then used it as a weapon.
Now I don't know myself at all.
I scream your name in silence.
I curse your face in dreams.
But every time I try to hate you, love tears right through the seams.
I hate you, Lord. I hate you deep,
for every promise you couldn't keep, but still you're etched in all I do.
I hate you, but I still love you.
Why does the heart keep beating for someone who walked away?
Why does love still echo when there's nothing left to say?
I carry your ghost like a cross on my back.
And no matter how I try, I can't give you back.
I hate you for the nights I cried,
for the forever that you let die.
But damn it, I still bleed for you. Still burn for what we knew.
You shattered me, but didn't undo this part of me that still loves you.
I hate you.
I love you.
And I don't know which one hurts more.