Yesterday I went to a café

I wanted to buy a muffin

No raisins and no chocolate

A plain fucking muffin

Did they have any? No

They only had sandwiches with pâté

And a soggy little sandwich with fish and remoulade

I'm usually in good balance

Never make a big scene

But I didn't think cafés existed

That didn't sell muffins

Can you believe this? No

Because you only eat sandwiches with pâté

And can't understand a truly sad human

Why? Why are there ovens

And why are there trays

And why are there pans

When no one dares to bake a tiny little cake

That I can eat when I want a snack?

I asked the little waitress

a simple question

"If you were here, instead of me

Wouldn't you be disappointed"

But she said "No

I would take a sandwich with pâté

Shut up, grab a paper and sit down"

I'd gotten a cause to fight

I didn't want to surrender

So I said "My little sandwich-lady

It's so fun to see you"

Did I mean it? No

You're a fucking ray of light

Maybe you should go into the oven to become pâté

Why? Why are there ovens

And why are there trays

And why are there pans

When no one dares to bake a tiny little cake

That I can eat when I want a snack?

(Spoken)

The waitress got angry and called the cops who arrived very quickly.

He grabbed my arm and said "You're coming to the station", but when he saw that he was at a café he said "Wait, I want a muffin first. That would be nice".

And do you think he got a muffin, huh? Yes, he did. And do you think I got pissed?

Yes, I did. I got so fucking pissed.

"Then you do have muffins", I screamed. "Is this a joke, huh?"

There was a moment of silence and suddenly both the officer and the waitress folded over with laughter and every fucker in the café started laughing their asses off.

And the waitress said "Yes, it actually is a joke". And then she explained that they do this to a random guy every once in a while. Just to see what happens, and when I looked around almost the entire café had started eating their muffins which they had somehow hidden when arrived.

This meant that they had pulled one of those practical jokes on me. I was just stunned, it was so embarassing.

(Sung)

Oh oh oh oh...