Hello!
I think it's well translated but there're some mistakes :p
like in 1st line "no has visto como pierde su alegria "it would be "you haven't seen how (it)loses its joy "
"cuando quiere ver la aurora como se pone a llorar "it would be "when he wants see the sunrise how (he )starts to cry "
"pues el dia esta muriendo y la noche le llego " it would be "cause the day is dying and the night has already came "
I don't know haha ... but I think it has more sense when we read the complete verse.. well I tried to help u.. :p.. and btw nice song.. Amo a Manzanero. un capo!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=NdH4biVhubM