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| thanked 2 times | ||
piedpiper on 2015-09-04
roster 31 piedpiper on 2015-09-08| 1. | Hoy tengo ganas de ti |
| 2. | Me dediqué a perderte |
| 3. | Si tú supieras |
| 1. | in broad daylight |
piedpiper
Mon, 07/09/2015 - 02:52
You're correct, I do take some liberties if a literal translation sounds odd to me or is not something that an English speaker would say, such as "to quench my thirst' sounds much better in conveying the idea/sentiment being relayed, a lot better than " the water in my desert" would sound in English as a literal translation. As you know, translating is not an exact science and I do make mistakes, particularly with highly idiomatic Spanish phrases. Perhaps "imagined you", for example, sounds better to the English reader than " invented you". And, I think "broad daylight" sounds better than "in plain sight" (again, just goes to illustrate that translating isn't an exact science). I do not, however, agree with ,I foreboded you since it sounds odd and I think "I had a premonition of you", is more idiomatic in English, I just don't like " I foreboded you" but I could accept "I had a foreboding (that you)". And yes, I do make mistakes and thank you for pointing them out. I like your suggestions and will take heed of them. I'll try and follow your suggestions. Are you a Spanish teacher?
roster 31
Tue, 08/09/2015 - 11:44
I know what you mean, Miguel, certainly you can have your own interpretation, and "licencias poéticas". I just wanted to make sure the idea was clear and well interpreted.
I think "tantas noches te soñé" is the same as "tantas noches te inventé". He could have been 'dreaming awake'.
In regards to " foreboded", to tell you the truth, I was not familiar with that word; I looked it up and I acepted it because, I thought, "I had a premonition of you" was a little too long.
I make mistakes too, in spite of being a teacher.
Thanks, again, for your interest and attention.
piedpiper
Tue, 08/09/2015 - 17:20
"Dreaming awake?" Well, that's an oxymoran. I mentioned that because "I foreboded" sounds ackward to me. Better translated as, "I had a foreboding". I changed "" quench my thirst" because it deviates too much from "el agua en mi desierto". Also the "bird of dawn" didn't sound right so I your suggestion to add "nesting until dawn" sounded a lot better.
Thanks again, Rosa, for your suggestions!
Saludos, Miguel
Hi Piedpiper! (We should know your mane).
Your translation reads well but, there are lines that don't seem to go exactly with the original, it may be your personal adaptation, or perhaps, the interpretation of the Spanish language.
Just in case, let me tell you:
1. First stanza - I would say "I imagined/created you"; and the last verse, for me, it would be, "how to find you".
2. Second stanza - Here it says "tanto tiempo" = "so long", "I waited"; "so many kisses I saved/kept for you".
3. Third stanza, something like: "allowing, like this/this way, to nest in the silence the bird of desire until dawn".
4. Fourth stanza - "I foreboded you' (I had the presentiment you were there).
"This illusion"
I, the lost dreamer,
You, the new sun", no "and";
"in plain sight" = "in broad day light".
Refrain:
"So many nights I invented/cgeated/imagine you"
"So many kisses I saved for you".
What follows are repetitions from above, with verb forms in the past:
"...I waited for you".
My suggestions are just suggestions, see if you agree with any, but the errors in the verbs should be corrected.
Thank you.