Factory Girl
| 1. | Fabrika Kızı |
| 2. | Dağlar Engel Oldu |
| 3. | Sensizliğimin Şarkısı |
AdamR
Sat, 15/09/2012 - 18:35
Many thanks..
Two points seem important.
1) With a head leaned forward, rather tired.
Consider how the people's head lean forward when they are tired or shy. This is it.
2) Yün örecek elleri / Her gün ekmek derdinde
This is the point mostly non-native speakers fail, or hesitate , or are not sure whether the original syntax makes any sense in the translated language, or not.
Yün örecek elleri : her hands that are supposed to weave wool (yarn to make a sweater etc.), or hands that are created/made to weave wool, or hands to weave wools .... or...... just simply "delicate hands" :)
Her hands were so delicate that they are barely enough to weave wool only, while now she works in a tobaco factory which is rather tough work for her delicate hands ......
I know the expression "the hands supposed-to-weave wool" doesn't express "delicate hands" in English, but this is the point we have to decide about how to translate it.
If I say "her delicate hands / everyday in worry of bread" , it might serve the purpose, but I don't know how the people are looking at those translations... because in such case , they wouldn't find the words : weave , wool etc.
Vimto12
Sun, 16/09/2012 - 10:55
1) Yep I understand the meaning: 'bowed head' carries the same meaning, but 'leaning forward' is also ok...
2) oh how complicated! 'supposed to weave wool', suggests that although they are made weave wool, they don't necessarily weave wool, 'supposed' suggests that they should or have an obligation to weave wool, if this is what the Turkish suggests then that's fine, but otherwise perhaps 'made to weave wool' would be more appropriate, because that suggests that her hands were made with the purpose to weave wool... I hope I made sense :)
Nice translation :)
Some suggestions:
Verse 1, line 4: 'tiresome, with a leaning head' --> as far as I'm aware when something/someone is 'tiresome' it means that they cause fatigue or boredom, I'm not sure it's the right word to use...maybe you could use something like: weary/tired/overworked/drained/fatigued/exhausted...
Also maybe 'bowed head' would be better to indicate tiredness...
Verse 2, line 1: 'she wraps tobacco/cigarettes...'
Verse 2, line 4: 'like all the people around (her?)'
Verse 4, line 3: 'tears fall from her eyes' would be better English...
Verse 6, line 3/4: google translate's not too bad if you look up individual words, but it won't tell me what 'örecek' means... I think 'daily bread' would probably work better than 'daily loaf' --> 'are worrying about the daily bread'