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Zauberstab (English translation)

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Magic Wand

When you mouth is laughing the sun rising within within me
With your magic power you awaken my loins
I can't escape your eyes
I've got to burn up hopelessly within your eyes
 
You are the most beautiful of all witches
Everything about you is pure sex
If - I get you my magic wand will show you love
 
You have legs - the pillars of your round glory
Your legs are made specially for me
Sweet beetle, your sex appeal, it knocks me flat
 
You are the most beautiful of all witches
Everything about you is pure sex
If - I get you my magic wand will show you love
 
You are the most beautiful of all witches...
 
When you mouth is laughing the sun rising within within me
With your magic power you awaken my loins
Come and take me, show me your vanity
 
You are the most beautiful of all witches...
 
You have legs - the pillars of your round glory
Your legs are made specially for me
Sweet beetle, your sex appeal, it knocks me flat
 
You are the most beautiful of all witches...
 
Thanks!
thanked 10 times

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Submitted by ScieraSciera on Sat, 16/11/2013 - 19:36
Added in reply to request by itsjustjordanitsjustjordan
Last edited by ScieraSciera on Mon, 18/11/2013 - 20:20
GermanGerman

Zauberstab

Comments
ManonManon    Mon, 18/11/2013 - 18:12

Here are my suggestions:

1. Although your version is not wrong, one in English would say "magic wand" rather than "magical wand". Same for "power".

2. When your mouth LAUGHS, the sun rises within me. (agreement of tenses)

3. "If I get you" is obviously not wrong. However, the use of this structure might be a bit ambiguous, as it can have a cluster of connotations, among which "If I catch you". Given this, I believe that a rather free translation would fit better: If I should (ever) have you.

4. Your legs are made SPECIALLY for me. "Especially" means "particularly", or, in German, "vorzugsweise".

5. "To knock out" means "to beat unconscious". Isn't "umhauen" actually supposed to mean something like "to drive crazy", or "to thrill in a strong way" in this context? In this case, you should use either "it blows my mind", or, fairly more exact, "it knocks me flat". As for the tense, I feel that present simple fits better since that line is supposed to express some kind of fact.

ScieraSciera    Mon, 18/11/2013 - 19:40

Thanks for your suggestions!
I agree with most of them, it's a big help to have a native speaker checking this.

"When your mouth LAUGHS, the sun rises within me."
Okay, I didn't know that. I first wanted to write
"When your mouth is laughing, the sun is rising within me."
Would that be possible, too?

""If I get you" is obviously not wrong. However, the use of this structure might be a bit ambiguous, as it can have a cluster of connotations, among which "If I catch you"."
These connotations are also in the German line, so I'm not sure if "if I get you" really is too ambiguous.

ManonManon    Mon, 18/11/2013 - 20:10

Well, yes, using present continuous in both sentences is okay as well.

Regarding the second matter, I'm not quite sure about which structure would fit best either. Anyways, just stick to the literal version given the fact that those connotations also exist in the German structure.

ScieraSciera    Mon, 18/11/2013 - 20:20

Okay, thanks again.

ManonManon    Mon, 18/11/2013 - 20:21

Keine Ursache ;).

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