shahram1900
Çarş, 01/02/2012 - 15:59
Good translation, however, there are a few problems:
1. After the verb "to let" you don't use the "to" before the next verb ("you let the tear rest" instead of "... tear to rest".
2. "you let the tear rest in my eyes" would be a word by word translation whereas "You brought tears to my eyes" sounds much more understandable or colloquial meaning "you made me cry" which makes the next verse flowing and connected.
3. "You claimed love but you didn't love me" "You claimed love but you didn't give me your heart" would sound better because the verb "said" is too vague whereas "claimed" shows the twist between words and deeds.
4. The verb "naive" would be more appropriate instead of "pure" in the first case and might be better to say:
"You said, "I didn't love you, you broke because of your own naiveté".
5. In the second case, however, the verb "pure" is perfect since you are comparing the soul to a mirror, but the word "since" in your translation is incorrect, instead you need to use an adverb like, lets say, "as long as" in order to show the conditional state here, whereas "since" in your sentence would mean "because".
Fantasy
LT
Homa_Hosseinzadeh
I used a little bit of creativity ..so it seems more like a poem rather than simply a translation..
a few extra words are used also.