Если б не было войны
Folie de Chansons в 2018-05-21
LT
robert.tucker.794 on пт, 27/12/2024 - 10:05
If there had been no war
Переводы "Если б не было войны..."
Переводы каверов
robert.tucker.794
ср, 16/12/2020 - 21:34
Thanks, edited.
Taijiquan Xuesheng
ср, 23/06/2021 - 06:03
Congratulations on such an excellent translation !
The only thing I'd suggest you alter is the line "No one rattles the little gate"
In the russian text, "стук" is not actually "rattle" but "knock" like knocking on the door, so the translation roughly would be "No one DISTURBS our garden gate by KNOCKING on it". The meaning is loneliness, nobody comes back from the grave to visit their loved ones.
Another tiny one is about "the side from which there is no return." In Russian, the word "сторона", apart from the literal meaning "side", can mean "country" or "land", too, e.g. "дальняя сторона" is "a faraway land" . It is an archaic meaning of the word. So the line could sound something like "You beckon from the land of no return" .
But overall, thanks so much -- you've done a great job catching the vibe of this very moving song.
robert.tucker.794
чт, 24/06/2021 - 08:14
Thank you for your kind comment.
"The other side" is a common idiomatic expression in English for the land of the dead:
https://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/278600.html
I remember stopping and reflecting on the gate bit. I think it's undoubtedly that she would be at home sitting, cooking the meal, or whatever, and would hear the sound on the gate on his return from work or wherever. Indeed, I wasn't sure of the sound that was intended. English Wiktionary does give "rattle" as a translation of "стук", while Russian Wiktionary seems to define it more as the sound the gate might make closing into its frame. However, I'm not too sure knocking with his knuckles is meant.
Good translation, but the first line of the second verse is actually 'наверное, я до срока стала старой' 'I probably got old before my time'.