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Svetlana Gorkún در 2018-02-21 ثبت شد
LTTo the East
Brat
دوشنبه, 26/02/2018 - 15:57
Well, it's a nice work, overally, but I have some things to mention.
First of all, conditionals using "Should there be" seem as being too formal to me, but nevertheless they have their charm. I've noticed that it's usually very difficult to translate conditionals from English into Russian and vice versa, so that there is usually a gap in meaning. It may happen due to different perception of possibilities and probabilities by Russians and foreigners. ;)
like two wings for us ->it looks queer, but so does the original line. I'm afraid, I can't say definitely what it means in Russian, but I suppose it's like "as giving us two wings"... Though I may be wrong.
be suddenly -> It would be better to say "occur" even without "suddenly", or with it, if you like this word. (it's just to avoid the repetitive use of "be" - in the next line) :)
they won’t be the hindrance->they won’t be that hindrance (I think it's better to say so, though the original is too weird for me)
we will get though everything,->we will get through everything, :) a typo :)
would shine in the distance.-> would shine from afar. (it's more likely to be meant so... or it can be 'would shine afar', that's shorter)
Ivan U7n
دوشنبه, 26/02/2018 - 17:13
I think the conditionals should stay as they are, because the verbs (and their tenses) in the original are overall crazy. My first variant had "if" for conditionals, but they looked even weirder: "if there are not…", "if a blizzard come".
I have the same inkling of the meaning as you, thus I have decided to make it as "like our two wings" as the continuation of the previous line.
"occur" -- accepted.
"that hindrance" -- accepted, I think here it implies "the hindrance that can stop us".
"through" -- oops, thanks!
"from afar" -- accepted, although I'm not sure this is the exact meaning.
The original is bizarre, that is why I sought an independent view, for which I thank you, by the way. ;)
Brat
دوشنبه, 26/02/2018 - 18:45
Well, about conditionals... ughm... I feel it's like "May there be no shining sun - you can draw your own one" (I love rhyming lines, yeah...)
"May a river come across - don't you ever give a toss" - and so on.
When rhyming, those darned conditionals sound better than they actually are, that's why I prefer sticking to poetic licence... :D
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