michealt
Mon, 31/08/2015 - 22:35
Title: It seems odd to translate "Einheitsfrontlied" as if it were "Arbeitereinheitsfront".
first stanza, line 1: English uses "a" in this context although german uses "the".
Also, using "human" for this statement sounds strange, an English speaker would probably say "a man is a man".
(these 1st line comments also apply to stanzas 2 and 3, and the first one also to stanza 4).
line 2: I think being more literal here would be good: "he needs something to eat". Also "if you please" is very old fashioned, use it to translate "wenn's gefällt" but not "bitte sehr" which is just "please" or "you're welcome" depending on context.
line 3: the word "a" would be omitted here in normal English; but I think "chitchat" is not sufficiently pejorative (abwertend) for "Geschwätz", "prattle" might be better. "get full" is technically correct but no-one would say it like that when talking about food (and in some parts of Britain "get full" = "voll wie ein Haubitze werden"), "his belly won't be filled by prattle" would be much more like ordinary English.
line 4: I would usually translate herschaffen as "bring" but "provide" is OK if you want to sound a little formal.
Chorus: 4th line: needs "the" before "Workers'"
(The German looks a little odd - wouldn't "ein" be at the end of the line instead of in the middle in normal speech?)
2nd stanza: 2nd line: space missing in "as well"
3rd line: "by" here would mean "neben", it can't mean "von" because the verb is active and already has a subject. Also as before "chitchat" is not strong enough. So maybe make the line "Prattle does not make him warm" because the next line clearly needs something for "does" to refer to and you certainly don't want it to mean "neither does beating of drums get warm".
4th line: is OK provided the 3rd line changes, but even then I would say "and nor" rather than "neither" here (there's a strong tendency to use "neither" only when it's going to be followed by a phrase introduced by "nor")
3rd stanza: apart from the same problem in the first line, the only thing which is grammatically incorrect is a missing "to " in line 4 (before "be "); but I would use "Nor" instead of "Neither" here.
4th stanza: line 3 needs "The" before "liberation".
maluca
Aldefina
Sciera
Freigeist

http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Einheitsfrontlied